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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bad day with toddler

12 replies

InsultingBadger · 21/10/2013 00:43

My dd is a very strong willed little girl (2.10) and I am worried she is beginning to rule the roost. She is rude and grumpy when she doesn't get what she wants and this is mostly play time with me.

This makes me feel awful as she only wants daddy as he is more fun. I am having trouble with her understanding that yes, weekends are fun and lovely but mummy cannot always play all day. She wants to play with me of each TV. We have fallen into some bad habits with TV which I am struggling to break - she watches far too much.

She also still has dummies and is refusing potty training.

Any practical advice welcome . I feel like I can't get a handle on her at the moment. Today was full of tantrums and physical attacks when I tried to calm her

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CJones1982 · 21/10/2013 09:42

I couldn't read and not post, you're not alone. Could she be going through a growth spurt or at a disequilibrium (Google it if unsure, I was when I first heard it but now makes sense ) at this age? My son was the same and I ended up feeling like he only had fun on my husbands day off when we did more or planned an activity! It is tough, tiring and hard work

Original poster

InsultingBadger · 21/10/2013 09:51

Thank you for posting, off to google now! I just feel like the boring disciplinarian who dreads tantrums and outbursts

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Thatsnotmychicken · 21/10/2013 10:02

You could be describing my dd here!! I find she is better out of the house or engaged in something specific. I think with my dd she is wanting to do things for herself and be grown up like her big sister and she can't do it so she gets so cross! We read about not getting into a battle with her about who she plays/gets help from but it is difficult at times. Am hoping someone comes up with some great advice!

Bumpsadaisie · 21/10/2013 11:23

Its her age. 2.5 to 3 is the height of the terrible twos. She will settle down once she gets past three (probably).

When my DD was this age, we just used to go OUT as much as poss. I had a baby DS too so it was a struggle, but it was better than dealing with her at home all day.

My DD watched a lot of TV at this age too, she had dummies till she gave them up voluntarily at 3.2 years (we told her to let us know when she was ready and we would swap them for a toy), and she was just over 3 when she cracked potties (though from that point reliably dry night and day). I used to despair as she wouldn't do what she was told. All through that winter when DS was tiny and DD was between 2.7 and 3, we just slogged through the days tbh, it wasn't much fun!

Now she is 4.3, has just started school. She is an absolute delight most of the time (give or take a bit of drama queening!) She is doing brilliantly at school, reading way above her level (so no worries about the amount of tv!), and is generally obedient and lovely.

DS is two next week ... but that's another story [gulp]

I think your DD just needs a bit of time to grow out of this stage and emerge into the sweet little girl stage. In the meantime you just have to trudge through it, be consistent, try not to scream too often and trust in the process of development that this too shall pass.

Good luck

Bumpsadaisie · 21/10/2013 11:26

The other thought is, does she yet go to any kind of preschool/nursery? My DD was nearly three when she started (just one morning a week) and I think it kind of moved her on a bit, she was ready for it.

notso · 21/10/2013 12:30

You could be describing DS2, his behaviour is exactly the same, still in nappies, still attached to dummy, hurts, shouts, screams. I wrote a similar thread not that long ago. Things are still not the best but I am making a little progress with him.
I have noticed he is worse when he doesn't have my full attention ( I have three other DC)I try and get him to help me when I can't concentrate on him.
I find brisk choices help a bit to get him to cooperate,
e.g pick up the cars DS,
Nooooooo
Shall I carry you to pick them up or are you going to walk and do it?
(He always chooses walk)
Empathising when he can't do something, "oh, your cross, you wanted a snack/cbeebies and we have to go to get DS1 from school" We can do that at 3.30/tomorrow.

Natalie82B · 21/10/2013 12:53

I am just back from the most stressful trip around Tesco with my 2.10 year old daughter. She screamed the whole way round, climbing in and out if trolley - basically major tantrums every time I wouldn't let her get her own way. I was almost in tears by the time we got home so it's a relief to hear I'm not the only one. I feel like such a bad parent sometimes because she will not do as she's told.

LittlePink · 21/10/2013 15:02

You could go on youtube and look up Harvey Karp Happiest Toddler on the Block and he gives some good strategies on how to cope with tantrums and stop one before it starts. I dread the terrible 2s. My LO is 16 mths and has mini tantrums (compared to the toddler ones ive witnessed in play groups and shops) and they are bad enough!

PseudoBadger · 21/10/2013 15:11

Oh gosh we are at this stage too. DS is 2 years 9 months and I have a 2 week old dd as well. DS is throwing everything, repeats words or sentences in a horrible 'monster' voice, he shrieks and screams, refuses to get dressed or brush teeth so I end up having to make him or do it for him. He isn't interested in getting out of nappies so nappy changes are nightmarish.
I'm just so glad I'm not pregnant anymore! But I did have a cs so we can't get out much for a few more days.

Davsmum · 21/10/2013 15:16

Try to stop feeling awful! As long as you feel awful your DD WILL get to rule the roost because you will give in to her and let that happen!
You can only do what you can do.
Children do not have to have what they want all the time or your attention all the time.
Don't give in to tantrums and do not accept 'physical attacks' - someone mentioned your DD will grow out of it and settle down - but that is less likely to happen if you give in to tantrums or get away with hitting out at you.
As long as you are feeling guilty you won't be able to deal with anything properly. Stop beating yourself up because you are probably doing more than you think for your DD.

Original poster

InsultingBadger · 21/10/2013 16:33

Thanks everyone! So nice to hear others are going through the same although I sympathise with you all!

Nice to hear also that it is not unusual for her to be with nappies, dummies etc. I don't want to force her so will wait it out a bit longer I think.

What do you all do with tantrums? I tried the step this week but feel if makes her a lot worse. She kicks and hits and i would rather not get into a fight with her.

Should I ignore or put her in her room to calm down?

OP posts:

Natalie82B · 21/10/2013 20:40

I try the naughty corner, it stops her at the time but diesnt seen to prevent her from kicking iff again later.I Find it hard when we are out because I just don't know how to deal with it in public. It's so embarrassing.

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