8 Year Olds Awful Attitude - Help

[HerNibs1980]

Hi guys

I am a single mum of 3 children, Ds 8 years old, ds 5 years old, & dd 3 years old. I am doing a full time degree and have no family at all so no real support network. My ex partner, the kids dad, was a violent alcoholic who I separated from 3 years ago and we have no contact with anymore. Thats the brief back story.

My problem is with my eldest ds. He has developed an awful attitude problem to the point of his friend, who ais , saying to me that he thinks my ds talks to me really "rudely". Then friend who babysat for me yesterday said that she was shocked at the way he was talking to her and his siblings when I was gone. She said he seemed really angry and stressy in the way he was talking to them all. And she said he was different to how he is when I'm there.

I have noticed his attitude is bad but didnt realise how bad it was for others to be picking up on it. Trying to get him to do homework is a nightmare. For the past to hours he has been sat infont of a computer trying to do a piece of work that should take half an hour, all because he has spent more time flouncing over to me with bare minimum which isnt what the homework asked for then sulking and rolling eyes infront of computer because he cant be bothered to do it. I have been backing off from helping him as I started to notice that actually I was doing the majority of his homework for him by finding it all on the computer for him and just getting him to write it out. Just for an easy life as his moods when trying todo it were a nightmare. So am now refusing to do that and getting him to do it all himself as dont see why I should be bullied into doing his homework by his mood swings.

I have this battle with him over lots of things and just his whole attitude has been getting tome alot recently. Sometimes when II'm trying to explaing something to him he will just roll eyes and walk off before I've finished or shout at me halfway through what I'm saying. The thing is is I'm actually pretty strict. I'm not a walk over thats for sure. I just dont know hiw to deal with this attitude, especially now its getting so bad that others are picking up on it.

Anyone got any ideas?

Tia.

Ps sorry for all the typos, not very good at typing on my phone.

Im no expert but thinking back to when I was a child I could be quite challenging to my parents but I was the youngest of 3 and a very sensitive child and I think I just needed one of my parents to sit down with me one on one and ask me what was wrong. Im not sure I could have verbalised lots of confusing emotions but at least I would have felt that someone was interested. My parents were very wrapped up in work and had the 2 other kids and I just needed some "time ins" with them, where they would say "what do you want to do? Just you and me and we'll go and do it" and have a day out to bond. I realise this is very hard when its just you on your own with all your other responsibilities but maybe when the others have gone to bed you and him could watch a dvd of his choice together and get some treats he likes and maybe make it a regular once a week thing that just you and him do together. Maybe you do this already but its an idea if not. The other thing is maybe he feels he has to be the man of the house now his dad isn't around and feels the pressure of it all. Perhaps you could keep telling him how well hes doing and how special he is to you. I would try the "you-me" thing too where you say "when you tell me you cant be bothered to do your homework it makes me feel sad" and perhaps this might strike a cord with him that his behaviour is affecting you. I may be way off mark with all of this and perhaps you're doing all this anyway. Its hard for you though and you're doing the best you can by the sounds of things x