2 yo DS lashing out

[ceeveebee]

I'm hoping that some of you experienced parents will know what I can do about this!
My 2 yo DS (well, 23.5mo) has recently become really violent towards me, his twin sister and other children. He has always been such a happy little boy, always smiling and laughing, but in the last month or so he's had episodes where he will roll around on the floor kicking and punching out (it took me 30 mins to get him dressed the other day); he also keeps hitting, kicking and pushing his sister, sometimes when she is trying to take a toy but other times when she is trying to give him a cuddle or something. What worries me most is the other children though, last Friday he hit 5 children at various groups we were at, mostly totally unprovoked (for example, a girl at a dance group who was spinning around with her hands in the air and he just smacked her on the cheek and laughed). Today after swimming, another girl offered him a snack and he hit her.

I don't agree with hitting children as discipline, so won't be heeding my mum's advice to smack his legs/hands. So far I've just been telling him "no", and if he does it again I've put him in his cot (if at home) or buggy (if out) for 1 or 2 minutes, which usually just results in him crying inconsolably so I end up cuddling him. He can't/won't follow any instructions so naughty step/corner means nothing to him. If we are at a group or activity I wouldn't want to just leave as its not fair on his sister.

He is not particularly advanced in speech or understanding (in comparison to his sister), he doesn't really have more than about 20 words but can count to 10 and sing lots of songs. I wonder whether its frustration? Also his molars are coming through so perhaps just in pain all the time?

Any experience or advice is welcome

TIA

I posted on another thread today with a link to an approach you could try, I'll look for it for you. Has anything changed in his life lately?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1881821-3-YO-hitting-and-throwing-at-nursery-needs-behaviour-assessed?msgid=42351710#42351710

And the actual link peacefulparent.com/680/

He does sound like he is frustrated. I would try and help him deal with those feelings rather than punish him for having them, iyswim. Give him something else to hit (pillow, soft toy) saying we don't hit people. Tell him it makes people sad when he hits them. Ask him if he is angry/sad/upset/in pain - can he answer yes/no? Don't allow him to hit, remove him where possible, but allowing your DD to continue.

Thank you - the peaceful parent link made me cry, realising my poor DS has been feeling stressed and frustrated and all he gets from us is shouting and isolation. Will have a chat with DH and see what we think we can do.

I've found the peaceful parent website invaluable - because instead of trying to find short term controls it helps me have a happier child. DS is really easy going and unwhingey - but can fast turn into an unhappy, whinging, crying child when his emotional needs aren't being met. I used the naughty step once in about 2 years. In general, if he does the wrong thing, he immediately comes and tells me and apologises - but he really isn't bold and he is quite biddable (within reason, he has likes and dislikes the same as everyone). It's still so easy to slip and shout and yell if things aren't going my way but I try hard to meet my own needs or at least not get so stressed that my head explodes when a 5 year old is just being a 5 year old. A lot of people comment on how happy DS is, and how easy he is. I'm really glad you liked the article and that you released some of your own worry and tension. Sorry for the essay!