Does my ds sound normal to you??

[HairyPorter]

This has been weighing on my mind for a while. Ds is now 2.5. He has had severe social anxiety since he was tiny. As a 1 year old, he would cry if a stranger made eye contact or attempted to talk to him. He is now much better and will have conversations with adults most days but occasionally he will have a meltdown e.g when my cleaner is around he gets so hysterical I have to take him out of the house, often because she said hello to him, when we have friends (particularly adults) over, and he will repeat that he doesn't like them over and over.
He is very articulate and can express feelings (I love you, I don't like xx etc). He engages in role play (makes me tea etc) but can get very absorbed in his play and its almost like the rest of the world disappears when he's with his cars/ trains/ painting. He isn't fond of stuffed toys and may take a car to bed instead. Most other kids I see aren't so stressed by social situations and I honestly wonder if ds is normal? Or perhaps just sensitive? Any input would be appreciated!

I don't have any personal experience with my own dc but I do notice that at the playgroups/classes we go to there is an entire spectrum of how anxious babies/children are in social situations.

We know 3 children who are very nervous around other people, one cries when other children cry, one cries when other children laugh/squeal and on cries when his dad laughs.

I think it is normal for children to have preferences about how much social input they want. Lots of adults choose to have only a small amount of special friends, Itthink children are likely to have the same variety of preferences.

)

If your concerns have been weighing on your mind for a while, why dont you speak to your health visitor or gp? They will hopefully put your mind at rest or give you some more of an idea if there is anything you should be worrying about.

My DD was similarly shy when younger especially with men, e.g. my dad lived abroad til recently and when he came back when she was about 15 months she would cry if he came near her. She is still freaked out by the cleaners at 2.7 but is generally much less suspicious now, e.g. today she let a male friend of mine she'd never met tweak her nose and even smiled!

i am constantly surprised by how long these things take to work through. She was totally freaked out by hand driers since she was just 1, but for about 3 weeks has now got over this. 18 months of crazy shouting at hand driers suddenly over

she's a sensitive soul generally, just posted the other day on another thread about this, gets way more upset about tiny things than the average 2.5 yr old, but i am sure she'll get there over time! I'm sure yours will too.

He sounds sensitive but not outside the range of normal in my view. I can only judge by the kids I see in my social circle at play dates etc where it varies from extroverts who will come up and show you their toys to more sensitive who will look away from strangers and cling to their mothers.

What's your biggest concern? Does he interact fine with you and familiar people? Because if he's fine with you / caregivers then it's probably just shyness of strangers rather than any deep social problem. My DS is quite extrovert but even he is a bit standoffish to the cleaners or anyone else he only sees rarely until he warms up to them!

The play absorption, taking cars to bed sounds pretty normal to me and all my boys did this.

No experience of the social anxiety but I suppose this could be the early signs of someone who is just shy? My dc are quite extrovert - in fact I used to worry that one of them was not behaving normally as he was overly friendly with strangers and would chat to anyone and hug strange men. He has largely grown out of it though. 2.5 is very young. Could he be just sorting it all out in his head - what his boundaries are with people he doesnt know very well?