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Ds nearly 6 behaviour out of control

2 replies

Mamma51 · 17/10/2013 22:38

Hi
This is the first time I've ever posted on here. I'm looking for a bit if advice or opinion about a problem I've been having of late with my middle son. Since going back to school after the summer holidays his behaviour has really gone down hill. He's started to swear a lot, mainly the f word and sometimes coupled with b**tch. Initially it was just at school and I only became aware of it when my older son, who's 9 came home to tell me. Initially i thought he was showing off infront if the older kids, as this is the first Year hes been in the main playground. He's swearing a lot at home now too, usually when he is being told off or being told no. I have spoken at length with him and have tried to find out if he has things bothering him, then he becomes upset and says nobody likes him, including me. Of course I reassure him this is not the case. He's always really upset and sorry after he has an angry swearing outburst, but I feel like everyday is becoming a cycle of something upsetting him, him shouting abuse, hitting his brother , flinging things around, me shouting at him to calm down, then the tears come. I've spoken with the school who said they would monitor the situtation, but didn't seem overly concerned. I've tried confiscating toys, behaviour charts, which did work initially, but does always feel like I'm threatening him into good behaviour or he won't get a treat! He got so angry yesterday he slapped my side.
Sorry this has turned out a lot longer than planned. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
IdreamofFairies · 17/10/2013 23:12

you could try doing some work on identifying and naming feelings there are some lovely books around sorry don't have any names to hand.

anger can disguise a number of feelings frustration, jealousy, anxiety, shame, fear. if you don't understand what or why you are feeling the way you do being angry is a way to cover it. its a little hard to explain in text ( i usually have a lengthy conversation to explain it).
start by naming your emotions i am so frustrated that i cant get the lid off the jar. I am anxious about ...... the more you explain them to him the more able he should be to identify his own feelings.

just guessing here but the bad language here is just a way of getting attention his way of saying look at me i am frustrated etc and i dont know what to do.

you have to set an example by you shouting at him you are showing him when you get annoyed upset etc you shout. if you are calm he will learn to be calmer to. none of this is by any means easy and changes never happen over night.

you are not threatening him into good behavior in order to get treats. you are rewarding good behavior with extra treats which can be anything from an extra story to picking what pudding he likes.

loads and loads of praise (so you are sick of your own voice almost). thumbs up, high fives, hugs, get close tell him you enjoy doing things with him. not saying you don't do these things but sometimes we concentrate on the bad we forget to make the effort to make more of the good.

Mamma51 · 17/10/2013 23:21

Thanks for your reply. I have discussed this with my Dh that this is my feeling, that he's not trying to cause upset with the swearing & hitting more to get a reaction. He's such a lovely boy when he's not having one if his outbursts. I will definitely put your suggestions of discussing feelings to the test in the morning. Thanks again x

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