How to cope with 2.9yr DD's behaviour

[LadyCatherinedeBourgh]

I am really struggling with DD's behaviour. I've never had issues with her before, was smugly thinking we'd avoided the terrible twos!

I am a SAHM and had DS 13 wks ago. For the last 4-6wks she has been hitting me, ignoring everything I ask her to do/not do, refusing to co-operate with getting dressed, having hysterics over things (endless versions of her wanting something, then hysterical screaming over not wanting it, then immediately wanting it again, you get the picture!) being quite rude to people, sleeping badly. Thank god the new baby is easy as all my time is going on her.

Is this normal given the arrival of her brother? She shows all the signs of loving him very much, but is it a subconscious reaction?

I think it's a bit of a vicious circle as she doesn't eat that well and is behind on her sleep (dropped nap when moving to big bed about 6wks ago), refuses to nap in the day but her behaviour is definitely worse as the day goes on.

We have tried time out (she thinks its funny), reward charts for good behaviour, I've even shouted when I haven't been able to get her to listen any other way, that was a disaster...she just shouted back!

Please help me with some ideas of how to cope, am finding it exhausting

Hi, sorry to hear about this, my DD is 3.4 yrs and yes it can be a testing time! I would suggest tough love as this is a good way to get the message across to her that you dont like how shes behaving. If she is getting you to the stage where you are getting cross/ want to shout (weve all been there!) just walk out of the room, without saying anything at all. She may well have a meltdown which you should let her do, wait for her to calm down and come into the room your in (by which time she will have hopefully got herself together). When she comes to find you she will hopefully be ready to talk properly and this is a good time to explain to her why you left the room. Sometimes shock tacktics help get the message across. My DD is a fiesty one and it sounds like your one is too, I think this is will eventually be a good thing as a woman who knows her own mind will go far, try and focus on this and always be assertive (sounds like boot camp and sometimes I feel like I run one!) Let me know how you get on.

I'm in the same boat. 2.5yr old DD and a 9 week old. DD has started all the things you describe ...hitting me/refusing to get dressed/running away. Her constantly changing demands are exhausting... I want a pink nappy/no a green nappy/short socks/no long socks/square toast/no triangle toast. arghhhhhhh!
I've thought long and hard about what to do as its all new to me (she has been a model child until now). For hitting me I do time out but have had to combine this with some drama about how hurt and sad I am as she just gets more defiant when excluded but seems to care more when I'm 'upset'.

For the other things I've decided to use humour whenever possible (hard with a newborn strapped to your chest) and it seems to work. for example if she refuses to put her trousers on i might leave mine off and pretend to leave the house, or I might act like the prince to her Cinderella to get her shoes on or declare to her teddies that the next person to shout NO must get tickled. None of this is guaranteed to work every time but I have had a lot of success and have been able to defuse situations. Good luck!

I think you're right: it is a subconscious reaction to the upheaval of a new baby and is absolutely not incompatible with her also loving him.

Dd (3 at the time) adored her little brother, but if I'd ever left them alone I am not entirely sure he would have made it through with all his limbs intact. I used to put a hook on the door and take her with me when I went to the loo.

Just stay calm and consistent, give her lots of love and attention, and it should pass. You will be spending more time on her, but that's fair: she needs it more.

Dc are now 13 and 16. She still adores him but she has stopped trying to break his legs off.

One thing that helped us in the early weeks was a game I invented that we could play all three of us. It was called Bed Car: we got in the bed and it turned into a car, ds was the driver (lying flat on his back and waving his arms in the air which is about as much participation as you can expect of a 3 week old baby) taking dd and me shopping, she gave the orders and we took off to all these places where we bought small amounts of groceries and lots of bags of sweeties. It helped because dd got the feeling for the first time that she was doing something together with her baby brother; that he wasn't just something that excluded her.