How to teach a 3 yr old to be confident and stand up for himself?

[Playboxpony]

Just that really. My son has recently started playing up when we drop him off at nursery, getting really upset and not letting me go. He was really happy there before, no problems being dropped off, but has now moved up to an bigger and older class with a few older boys.

One of these older boys is quite aggressive and big built for his age. He bit my son quite badly a few weeks ago and I think this is where the problem began. We've noticed that our son visibly cowers and retreats when this little boy goes near him. We're going to bring it up with his teachers to see if there are any other issues we need to be aware of.

Don't get me wrong, my son is no angel himself, but he is generally quite laid back and not physically aggressive towards other children.

I would just like some tips about how to encourage him to be a bit more confident and how to stand up for himself appropriately (without totally slugging the little thug boy). I am slightly ashamed to admit I wish he would just hit back (even once) but DP is thoroughly in the "no physical retaliation" back camp.

How do you encourage your children to defend/stand up for themselves?

How awful for him. I dont think a 3 yo should need to learn that. Hid teachers should be sorting the other boys behsviour. I think the best you can do is tell him tolet his teacher know if another boy hits/bites him. Dont tell him to hit back.

Speak to the staff.

Try role play too. Teach him that not everyone has to like him or be his friend and vice veras!

A 4-5? Year old should be well past the age of biting. I would be speaking to teacher and asking what they are doing to make sure it doesnt happen again.

Thanks. I was pleased with how the nursery handled the biting incident (and yes the little boy is way too old to be biting!). He was made to apologise and his parents were told etc, I can't see that they could have done much else in the situation.

We'll give the role play a go too. I just hate to think DS will continue to be feel intimidated :-(

When you do role play, could you teach him to say "Stop it, I don't like this" in a firm and loud voice, and most likely one of the teachers will hear and deal with it?

At DSs martial arts they are taught to take one step back, put up both hands palms out and yell 'stop! Leave me alone' and if the other person goes to grab you, you push your outstreched arms together in between theirs and swing them out (so you deflect theirs) and screech 'I don't want any trouble!'. Google kiddy martial arts.

I certainly don't think it' s your son's responsibility to have to protect himself against serious physical aggression which includes biting, which is particularly unpleasant. If this child is known to be habitually aggressive - ie the incident was not a one-off - then I think the nursery staff need to keep a close eye on him at all times to ensure the safety of the others. Aggression like this can lead not just to painful encounters for other little ones but also to loss of confidence which can be long-lasting. Asking your son to defend himself in any way just places a further, unmerited burden on him - the responsibility lies squarely with the staff. One thing that might benefit your son would be to regularly invite more peaceful children round to play to increase his social confidence, which has taken a knock, and reinforce the fact that most interactions with others of his own age are fun.

You could get some puppets for the role play and make one of them 'naughty puppet'. I love puppets for stuff like this.

-just to add I'm not advocating teaching him to fight back, just shout no or something.

What bettercalsaul said

Thanks everyone. It's not affected how he plays with others too much as he still plays happily with other boys and girls...yet. I just want him to be able to avoid any more aggressive situtations with this particular child. But yes you are right, it is up to the staff and his parents to address his aggressive behaviour in the first place. Thank you!