DS 7 lonely at school, playtime is the worst!

[bonobo95]

Hi
My DS never made any friends at school, he is 7 now. He was so shy in the first year, although he talked to everyone.
2nd year he told me was harder as everyone had their friends.
Y3 now and he is so sad and tearful sometimes.

I spoke to teacher and she is being really helpful, finding an older buddy and showing DS the lonely bench.

Have I asked parents if other kids want to come over to ours? And the reply was - No we are too busy, that was the actual words! So now I feel pushed out.

Today I watched him through the fence and he just stood on his own.

I always thought if I had a child that was unhappy at school I would take him out, but what if I do and its the same somewhere else?

He learned to play chess last week, as they have a board in playground but he said the other kids wouldn't let him play. He says - mum I just play against the computer.

I think once you get labelled as a loner , its hard to break.

Any advice , suggestions, sympathies?

Has he had any birthday parties or anything? They can be good for getting to know parents and having the kids make friends. Im not sure sure what else you can do really. Poor little mite. Hopefully someone with more experience can offer advice. ..

At my ds school, they have a room indoors where children can go if not happy outside. It has a computer and an adult there all the time. It really helped my ds, as it broke the habit of lonely play times. And there was a few children from different years who went and ds gradually got to know them. Then after a few weeks, the adult who ran it said they had to at least try to play a bit before coming indoors to the room, and so gradually my ds re-joined play time. Does the school have anything like that? The room was called the haven, and had good games/computers in it so ds genuinely liked it. Rather than just feeling sad on his own.

Hope things get better for your ds!

And does he go to any after school stuff where some of his class might be? Like beavers/cubs? Beavers has been great, loads of activities, in small groups, with children from different schools as well as ds's. Maybe build his confidence outside of school?

I would try asking different parents for a playbdate. I'd start by asking the teacher for a recommendation of a couple of nice families. Then I'd definitely look at clubs. And definitely keep talking to the teacher about it.

oh your post broke my heart when i read it as i remember being like that at school! i was the loner in the playground. i am now v social and have lots of friends if that helps! is he one of the younger ones? i was an august bday and often felt the other children seemed a lot older than me. i was v shy.

Does he play football? that's how the 7 year old boys seem to bond. (except for my DS who has ASD and is in the same position as yours, it's heart breaking)

Hi
Thank you for all your tips. We did try beavers and it was an absolute screaming crying disaster. I think that was cause it was the same kids from his class at school were at Beavers. The funny thing is he loved breakfast club and afterschool club (he only goes 1 day now) I think as its quite structured and quiet, so he does love being with other kids. (Beavers was 30 minutes of 40 kids screaming, I went on one occasion)
The school talks the talk about clubs (on website) but doesn't walk the walk (seems like art club closed after one term)
I didn't follow up with teacher yet, about the lonely bench. And she did organise a buddy but that was cancelled last week (and a week is a long time for a 7yr old)

Football, would be the answer but he doesn't like it, or not enough to join. All after school activity clubs are all football.

So I have parents evening on Monday and I will ask as you suggested about the "Haven" room that sounds great idea. And why they don't run the clubs they say. Plus I will get him to the breakfast club more it they have space.

Thank you so much for the advice, will update as to the schools response.

Hiya I don't have any advice my DS is only 18 months but will say a little prayer for him as your story brought a tear to my eye tonight.
Hope he's ok and gets a friend soon
X

This is heartbreaking (and I know).
This happened to my 7 yr old for only one month (because of politics and bullying he was "shut out" from the whole class) and one day I watched him wander around lonely and ignored - totally broke my heart.
The school were good about it once I seriously put my foot down about the idea that while he was in their care that had to care ABOUT him not just for him.

After a couple of attempts at brushing me off I demanded a meeting with his class teacher, the head of year and the head teacher and frankly shamed them into taking firm action in the classroom, the playground and in PE lessons to ensure that he was properly welcomed into the fold and properly included in everyday school life - which is, in my view, nothing more than any parent should be able to expect !!!

Don't sit down for this and watch it get worse - make a meeting happen with the school, demand that the head attend (and if they wriggle ask if the head has something ˆmore importantˆ to do then discuss the welfare of a pupil), shame them into admitting they have let your DS down and force them to produce a plan to help him. He's 7, clearly needs some help with the social aspect of school life and they ought to be working hard to deliver it.

And who wants to go and sit on a lonely bench ?? !! Thats an horrific idea for any kid to have to admit to themselves (and the whole school audience) they they are an outsider (i.e. an outcast). Maybe I've misunderstood that whole concept.

If he loved breakfast and after-school club why does he only go one day a week now? Big up the positives and have him in there more often so he can enjoy the company of other kids in an environment he feels comfortable with. Big friendships always start small...

My best wishes are with you and I hope this works out well.

So sad to read your post. Ds1 has autism and doesn't fit in. His friend doesn't like football and thus finds it hard.

Hiya just checking back, your story really touched me.
Has their been any improvements?