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help me add to this letter oh wise MNetters...sons bullying

4 replies

gobbymare · 15/10/2013 16:31

I am sorry in advance as this is rather a long letter and I would appreciate any advice/input that you wise people think I might have missed or might be useful in this situation.

This is addressed to the head teacher.

I am writing this letter in the hope of your help as it seems i am unable to stop my sons constant bullying within your school by dealing with your staff.
my son and i feel let down by your school and staff.

My son has special needs ADHD..O.D.D..incontinence...dyslexia....Tourettes.

As I'm sure u will appreciate these are difficult to live with for my son and as a result he is bullied within your school because he is different.

I have tried on many occasions to sort this out with your staff Mr P and Mrs B to name a few.

I feel like I am getting nowhere as today my son rang me to tell me that someone had forced paper/tissue paper into his mouth so he needed me to bring in some money so he could get a drink and to get it out of his throat, this is the 4Th time my son has been assaulted this year alone.

Last year my son was assaulted several times and shoved into a bin.

This year he was pushed to the point that his hand had to receive medical treatment from the hospital and that led to it being bruised and swollen and he couldn`t write & also punched repeatedly in his arm during P.E which left bruises.

With all this bullying it is now affecting my sons mental health to the point he is now suffering anxiety attacks about coming to school so I kept him off and yet again we/I felt let down by your staff and school.

On the Friday when my son came home he went straight to his room and refused to speak to anyone and refused to eat his tea, due to his medication if his weight drops then so does his medication which in turn causes more problems (it is already lower than it should be) so I took him to the doctors and the outcome was anxiety attacks.

I rang the attendance office Monday to report his absence and left my number for someone to ring me to discuss this situation as I was not sending him to school due to the bullying and anxiety attacks which were giving him stomach pains. I received a call back Wednesday by Mr P with an offer to come into school 3.15PM I couldn`t make it as I had just started a new job that day so rang back and explained within the hour of the previous call.

It took several phone calls and I popped in on several occasions to see what we could do, I couldn`t be seen so I asked reception to pass a message on that my son needed some work to do at home, this never got passed on.

I got to see Mr P and had a chat to which he said he couldn`t really do much as it was Mrs B I needed to see but she was very busy, not exactly helpful.

I did get a phone call from Mrs B Friday tea time but it was within the time that I had said I was unable to answer the phone and gave specific times that I could be contacted 9.30-2.30 and any time after 4.30 which I thought was ample time to discuss.

I rang back within 5 minutes of her ringing me and she was unavailable.

Monday morning I came in to see about this work and hopefully speak to someone, again no one available and no work either.

Eventually I spoke to Mrs B and the lady who deals with statementing and felt that they didn`t understand how this had affected my sons health and also that she knew nothing of the assaults ? and would look into it, have heard nothing back and that was over a week ago.

It seemed to me that the main issue was to get him back into school.

I was offered extra help with after school classes with his English etc but again have heard nothing back for how to do this and when I ring up to ask I get nowhere.

I have asked several times for a copy of your anti bullying policy to which I have only just received today.

I had applied for a statementing for my child back in April/May this application was never made, I had a meeting with Mrs B and the attendance lady and chased it up again they knew nothing of it, but was reassured that they would make a referral asap.

When he started year 8 I chased up this statementing as I felt/feel he needs additional support again no one knew nothing about it ? to give Mr Page his due he chased this up for me and now we are waiting on the reports to come back but the lady I seen along with Mrs B said statementing was hard to get and that they are stopping them anyway and she doubts my son would qualify.

The only plan of action was the same one that didnt work several times before which was to put my son in inclusion and slowly integrate him back into his classes slowly and if this didnt work to change classes was an option, as I can see this clearly isnt working and would like to request an appointment with yourself because this isnt acceptable and cannot go on & feel for a technology college to miss this much communication & rated outstanding by ofsted is rather a let down in my opinion.

I would also like to add should my son get assaulted whilst being in your school again I will involve the police.

I have also made a copy of this letter to the chair of governors.

Thank you for reading anything else I could add ?

OP posts:
bunchoffives · 16/10/2013 00:07

That sounds good gobby. The threats of involving Governors and police are the two that will really grab attention. Well done.

If you want a Statement for your son shouldn't it be the EdPysch that does that? (Sorry not really sure of procedure for statementing)

Sorry to hear of all your DS's problems though. Sounds like a lot of worry for you. I hope you get some solutions.

shabbatheGreek · 16/10/2013 00:22

Well said. My DS4 was badly, verbally bullied for about 2 years at high school. He started 6th form college in September and is loving every minute. I used to wait outside his high school for the bullies....weirdly enough they used to run past me looking petrified Hmm

My 'finest hour' was catching one of them really bullying him. The bully did not know who I was. I sent my son home and grabbed this kid by the jumper, tie and shirt. Held him against the wall and told him exactly what I thought of him. He was waiting at the bus stop at the time with his peers around him. He was much taller than me. He answered me back for a while but soon stopped because I marched him onto the school bus and announced to the driver that I was putting him on the bus and to keep his eye on the bully.

Many will think I was wrong to do this but I dont care. I am not recommending anyone else do this but I could not take any more and, more to the point, neither could my son. When I say my son was being bullied badly I mean to the point of him talking about wanting to end his life Sad

I think you are a great Mum for sticking up for your son. More power to your elbow.

PS I did report myself to the school on several occassions for challenging the bullies - in the same way they did not know (or care) how to help my son they did not know what to do with me!!

gobbymare · 20/10/2013 20:05

Well to add to my sons problems he has now fallen out with his only friend and has come to me asking how he is going to cope at school tomorrow and I have no advice. ...I feel so sorry for my son as he finds it so difficult to maintain friendships due to his disabilities and he is such a nice lad.
Ontop of everything else he is going through I am scared for his ability to cope and mine tbh.

OP posts:
Queazy · 21/10/2013 03:30

I agree you should send a copy to the Chair of Governors. I would also keep him home tomorrow on the grounds that this level of anxiety could exacerbate his medical condition. What an awful situation for you both to contend with - I was so sad to read your post. It does sound like you have been let down, but I wonder if your last stand is to refuse attendance until they can ensure they are taking steps to protect your son. This may seem naive or unrealistic as I don't have a child at school age, but the treatment you describe is appalling. I hope tomorrow goes ok - will be thinking of you x

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