Bedtime Routine at 3mo

[Cbell]

Right this is DS2 and I am keen to get him into a bedtime routine so that I can get some of my evening back. However, I'm wondering if I'm just insane for trying.

With DD1 we were much more relaxed and she started going to bed fairly easily at around 8 weeks then waking for a feed around 10pm. The nights were all kinds of hell but bedtime was fine. She slept through at around 18months.

DS will only nap in the sling during the day. At night he is BF at around 10pm takes an hour to settle -sleeps for around 2.5/3hours feeds, sleeps 2 hours, feeds then is a beast to settle. Day often starts around 5am. Not sure why I'm giving all this detail but someone might know if its relevant.

Regarding bedtime. I'm bathing at 6.45pm, then into a darkened bedroom to BF. Then waiting until he's asleep (20 minutes) before putting in hime in a baby hammock. However, the last two times ive put hime down he's woken straight up. WHY? WHY? WHY?

After getting cross he's now asleep on my DHin the sling which is not the bedtime routine we want to follow. More time, more patience or more perseverance needed - which is it? ,

If you look at it from your son's point of view, he goes to sleep attached to you, either in a sling, or after feeding, then he wakes up in his hammock without knowing how he got there or what he's supposed to do next because he only FALLS asleep attached to you.

The best advice I got to start solving our sleep problems was that you should put your baby down AWAKE so they learn to go to sleep in the place where they are going to wake up.

This is what we did, because our son wasn't napping during the day and was only sleeping well at night because he was fed to sleep:

1. I would rouse him after the bedtime feed so he went into his cot awake but still sleepy.
2. I would stay with him/stroke him etc until he fell asleep for the first few days.
3. After a few days I'd just stay at the end of the bed but not interact.
4. Eventually, I would put him down and leave the room.

Before I get slated, this wasn't sleep training - I didn't leave him to cry at all.

This started to make a big difference to daytime naps because it meant he started to learn what his cot was for! Instead of only ever WAKING UP in it, he knew that it was also the place to FALL ASLEEP in the first place, so not only did he start to have more regular naps, but they were longer - if he woke up after his 45min sleep cycle, he could (sometimes) go back to sleep for another 45mins.

It hasn't been a quick fix but now that he's getting into the swing of things he is a much happier baby and will rarely cry for more than a couple of minutes (protesting really!) before falling asleep - we started this when he was around 4 months, he is now 6.5 months and will generally nap for an hour after breakfast, an hour and a half after lunch, then around 10/11 hours overnight.

I'd just keep him downstairs with you for the evening, until you want to go to bed. What you are doing now sounds like hard work and none of you seem happy with it.

Although everything you have said sounds just like normal baby behaviour, I'd also think about getting Lo checked for [[http://milkmatters.org.uk/2011/04/15/hidden-cause-of-feeding-problems-however-you-feed-your-baby/ tongue tie]

We started a bedtime routine for our DD who is 10.3weeks when she was 6 weeks, a little young from what people have said on mumsnet, but it works for us. Bath at 6, then a long feed and cuddle until 7 where she is put down when she is sleepy but awake. Maybe if you're putting your DS down asleep you should try putting him down when he's sleepy and if he fusses comfort him but only pick him up when he cries? Settle him down then put him back. The key is just to persevere until he is able to settle himself to sleep.

We were lucky that our dd had settled herself to sleep a few times before we started so she took to it quite well. She does take a dummy at 7 though and I'm maybe back in once just to put her dummy back in. She normally sleeps until 12 but I've started dream feeding her at 10 so I get a little longer before I need to get up for her next feed.

Good luck and I hope it works out :)

Also when we started this it only took a few days before she would settle herself after every night feed. It used to be a 2 hour battle of settling her and waiting until she was asleep to put her down which was EXHAUSTING!

I thought babies under 6 months weren't able to self-sooth? Obviously there are exceptions but I thought up until that point they actually needed assistance to sleep.

It all sounds like good advice. I think the problem I have is that by the end of a day with a toddler and a 3mo I am knackered and my mental reserve to address the sleep issue is low.

Life is gruelling at the moment.

Sick baby in a sling, put toddler to bed. Take baby out of sling and feed. Give baby to DH (if home) while you get pjs on and lots of supplies for those midnight snacks, go to bed with baby if awake or leave with DH if asleep. Well that's what we did anyway and it worked for us

Nope, my DD can settle herself to sleep pretty well! My health visitor encouraged me to put her down sleepy but awake from day 1 but she never settled to sleep unless she was held. I had read from 6 weeks you can start putting them down awake and I dreaded doing it but it all turned out well

Sorry I just realised you said self sooth, as in stop crying by themselves? My DD definitely cannot do that but if she's crying when I put her down I usually give her a dummy and she's happy!