Son's behaviour

[EmmaG1986]

Hi,
My son is 7 years old and since starting KS2 his behaviour hasn't been good. He was fine for a while but the teacher spoke to me today and said the past two weeks his behaviour hasn't been good, he has been copying other people's work, not listening, talking when he's not supposed to, poking people, (not hard), he has been rude to staff also. Since starting this class he has not been sleeping well also, and today he cried an awful lot when i spoke to him about the school issues. He has told me, he keeps getting the blame for various things, that aren't always him. I need to speak to his teacher again tomorrow about this, so i can see what's going on. I am surprised as generally my son is a very polite, kind natured boy and with him being anxious and not sleeping I'm not sure if there are other issues. His dad also left to go back to Afghanistan (army) around the time he went back to school after the summer holidays, so i don't know if this has caused upset too, he cried everyday for about three weeks when he went back to school too and didn't want to go to school.

I just don't know what to do as he has been fine at home, it seems at school it's an issue.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thankyou.
Emma

Starting with the school and chat to GP would be a great start.he may be trying to stand up for himself.

No experience of having a child of that age, but the departure of his Dad must surely be the key issue?

Maybe he's fine at home because at least he's got you to make him feel secure whereas at school maybe it makes him feel quite vulnerable as he's away from both of you.

From what I've read on various other threads when children have issues at school could you put a note in his bag each day that he can read to make him feel better, or even see him at lunchtime? Or, could his Dad write a whole load of notes that he could send to you then you could include one of them every so often so he knows his Dad is thinking of him all the time?

Emma your son is very, very unhappy, that is clear. Is there a link to his dad leaving to go to Afghanistan? You mention a change in his behaviour around that time. Perhaps he was become more aware of the dangers that his dad is exposed to, and cannot express this but dwells on it (trouble sleeping etc) and carries it round with him all the time. It must be a difficult time for you too.

Can you get a meeting with your son's teacher to talk about the changes in his behaviours. Find out if it is related to difficulties with doing schoolwork, or problems with his friends and classmates, or something else. I would consider seeing if he could speak to a third party about his fears, someone he would feel comfortable talking to.

I hope you can get some support for him soon.

Thankyou for your messages.

When my son started school again after the summer holidays he was very upset and also suffered from stomach problems too, due to anxiety.
When he went to school he was very emotional and cried in front of his teacher, his teacher said "Come on Daniel, this happened yesterday," This was the day after his dad left to go back to Afghanistan, he just said "I miss my dad," and was very upset, he ran after me but they held him back. I thought it was a cold thing for the teacher to say to be honest.
He is only 7 and still very vulnerable and probably doesn't know how to handle his emotions.
He has told me he's scared of his teacher, he said she has blamed him for things he hasn't done, he was really upset when he told me this. He was kept isolated for a small part of the day yesterday as he was not following the rules. Yesterday evening was extremely emotional, I just don't know where to start or how to deal with this.
It seems to be a school issue only.

Thankyou
Emma

Oh the poor lad :(. Please make an appointment to see the teacher about this. Tell her everything you've said here. I certainly hope she didn't mean to trivialise your son's fears and distress, because it is a big deal to him and should be taken seriously.

Hope you can sort it out and your happy child returns again.

I kinda know how your son feels at that age. I grew up during the troubles in Northern Ireland and I was miserable at school every day because I was worried about my parents being killed in a bomb. It sounds like your son is miserable and missing his dad and worrying about him to, At home he maybe ok with you but at school he is even without you and has no source of comfort there. Poor boy. I hope you can find some way to make him more secure for he suffering too.

My Dad was in the army and I used to worry myself sick over him. We were watching the news one time, my Mum and I, (living in NI) and we actually saw that his unit had been bombed. My Dad was unhurt thankfully but other members were.

I don't think it can be underestimated the effect growing up knowing a parent is in danger like this can have on a child. I don't think adults realise how much effect it has. They think kids will just get on with it.

I think your child's teacher needs to be advised strongly on what your child is going through and personally I would put my concerns in writing to the Head Teacher. This IS serious. About as serious as it gets for a 7 year old. Poor little chap . I am feeling for him because I remember how bad I felt at that age.

Please speak to her then put your concerns in writing, that way they take it much more seriously and will hopefully come up with some interventions to help him cope better.