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Behaviour/development

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My 4YO, the compulsive liar

9 replies

bakedpotato · 29/06/2006 20:13

DD has always been very communicative/terrific vocab etc, which probably has some bearing on this issue. The lying is a recent development.
Her 'stories' are invariably plausible, with killer detailing that might, in other circumstances, make me howl with laughter/feel quite proud. For eg I have just sat through a marathon account of her being asked to accompany her teacher to 'the room where the teachers go for quietness, to have their lunch' and, at the teacher's request carrying milk back to the nursery classroom -- but then she goes a step too far and I say, 'That's a lie, isn't it?' and she squirms and smiles and says, 'Just joking!'
I know she's experimenting with boundaries, but it's driving me a bit nuts. I've told in gruesome detail her the story of the boy who cried wolf, which she seemed to take on board (I've heard her telling her friends about it), but no change.
Any tips? Should I start withdrawing treats (eg bedtime stories -- though can't bear idea of the tears that would create)?
Star charts?
She has always been very 'good', conscientious, aware of right and wrong

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SenoraPostrophe · 29/06/2006 20:16

dd is the same. well, similar - her language is a little behind if anything but she has a very strong imagination and does tell tall tales. Sometimes in fact she convinces herself that they are true, which is annoying.

So no advice, really. Think it's a sign of a creative mind!

bakedpotato · 29/06/2006 20:25

SP, when you know she's fibbing, how do you deal with it?
I just feel as if I can't trust anything being said at present and it is making me cross

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SenoraPostrophe · 29/06/2006 20:31

It depends on what it is. if it's "[ds] is crying because he hit himself and fell over" then she gets told off, and sometimes put in the hall until she can be nice/tell the truth. or sometimes I just say "you mustn't fib" and leave it (because she will insist sometimes, and it gets painful). In the "joking" type scenario you describe I would just leave it.

I certainly don't think it's worth a sanction as harsh as withdrawing a bedtime story, although I might tell her she has to tell me a story first seeing as she's been telling stories today - sort of a subtle aknowledgement that stories/lies have their place. Or am I am I an old hippy?

bakedpotato · 30/06/2006 10:04

SP, I take your point. These stories are harmless and she's not disguising any bad behaviour or anything, just dressing up reality (to make it more interesting for me?).
So I'm going to take a chillpill on this one

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jamsambam · 30/06/2006 10:05

maybe she should meet my son, the 5 year old police informer, and his brother, the 6 year old sargent major...

Sugarpop · 30/06/2006 10:07

Sounds to me like she will go far with such an active imagination! Bear with it and she will do you proud! Could be she's finding school boring so making it more intersting in her head and for you.

Blu · 30/06/2006 10:16

DS has a vivid imagination, and we have heard detailed stories of imaginary bullying by big boys, he told my Mum "that's the curch we go to" (we don't go to any church) and described how it was quiet, the light was funny because it came in through high windows, any number of details, he told us that his nursery teacher had found 4 nits in his hair (he has never - yet - had lice)....it is all either imaginative exploration, or a sort of projection where he explores what he might feel if he DID get picked on by big boys.

I think it's a stage, where they are exp[loriing the boundaries of their imagination, and I would never clamp down on it at this age.

AS SP says, if he told me something deliberatley designed to get something that wasn't his, or deny a wrong-dping, I would be firm - but he is actually fairly truthful about this sort of thing.

Marina · 30/06/2006 10:24

I guess you just have to grit your teeth bp - it is maddening, I quite agree. I have one Master Raconteur and a 2 Year Old Apprentice and they drive me insane. I cannot bring myself to even post dd's current yarn as it is so bizarre...
Ds learned his lesson when he span me a yarn about his teacher having a tattoo. Yeah right, quoth I, I am going to ask her about that. So I did, in his presence, and of course it was true. So we had a concrete example of the consequences of tall tale-telling and he has been more explicit about truth and fiction since (he is 7).
This skill will come into its own when she is a confident writer you know. Ds account of how his imaginary cat had kittens in a friend's blazer on a school trip caused a near massed pants-wetting in the staffroom apparently.

Marina · 30/06/2006 10:25

Your ds still on his Holy Roll then Blu? Boyblu for Pope!

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