One boy who likes rough play at school and one's a biter

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

Does anyone have any advice?

DS1 started school in September. All's been OK so far, though I've gathered from his older sisters that he's been hurt a bit whilst playing with older boys at school, and, last week he had a note saying that he'd received First Aid when he was punched in the stomach (the boy who punched him turned out to be year 3). Last week, there was an incident after school where he was playing with a boy in his class, they were chasing each other and my DS slapped the other boy across the face. Later he came home and did this to his younger brother). I spoke to his teacher about it (to find out how he is in school - as this is not normally something he does. He's boisterous, yes - but I've never known him to slap anyone across the face. His teacher said he's a normal 5 year old boy and not to worry.

Yesterday, though, I got a note in his home/school diary to say that lunchtime staff have mentioned that he plays quite roughly at lunchtime and it often results in tears (not his, I'm presuming). Obviously, I'm concerned about this and I was wondering if anyone had any advice to help curb his rough play and boisterousness?

Also, his younger brother (almost 3) is something of a biter and it's getting wearing. I do pull him up on it, but he seems unaware that it's wrong. I know that you sometimes have to repeat yourself until you're blue in the face until they get the message - but I was wondering if anyone had any experience of this and if so, what did you try?

I think by Christmas it all settles down, those who play rough tend to get left out as no one wants to play with them, so those who are rough players learn to adapt their behavior so that they can be part of the play.

You need to sit and talk to him with his teacher maybe about his behavior to try and get the message through to him. Maybe have a chart at home and ask school to make a daily note in h/w diary so you can monitor it.

Maybe have a few playdates at your house after school so you can see his behavior and sort it out there and then if anything occurs.

Re biting: I went to the GP about Ds1's biting and in turn a behavioural therapist. She told me to spend an hour a day with him, 1:1, doing his thing. He was getting up at 6am so I forced myself to get up with him and play trains (deep joy). It stopped almost immediately.

She also told me to keep a diary of what happened, what led up to it, how I reacted, what the consequences were. It helped me see that he wasn't doing it ALL the time (it just felt like it). I would come away from playgroup in tears, it was a horrible phase. His nursery were very supportive too, that helped.

Oh, have remembered re rough play. When my boys were in Reception Power Rangers were the thing and play fighting would turn into real fighting. I think they banned playing PR in the end. Is there anything which might be influencing it?

My DSs were (are) obsessed by football and that kept them away from this. Can you encourage your DS to play footy?

Well, the news is that DS1 seems to be responding to his teacher's tactics and even earned himself a big gold sticker for his behaviour yesterday. It's reassuring to know it's a phase and to see that he's making progress. Also, I suggested playing football instead. He seemed to mull it over.

As for the biter. What can I say? He's still dreadful. I left him with a friend and her two children while I had to do dull stuff. She said that the reassuring thing is that he bites (her poor, poor children) just as much when I'm not there as when I am. So I guess this indicates that it's not attention seeking. I've been thinking about what you said, fox, and it could be that he needs more quality time with me. As he's the youngest, he tends to just get shoved in the car and we end up chasing around after the others. He does seem to bite when he's excited, when he's due for a nap, or if he needs his pull up changed.