Almost 3yo DS hurting baby DD

[BionicEmu]

My DS is very nearly 3yo, my DD is 8 months old.

DS keeps hurting her. He struggled with jealousy when she was born, I acknowledged this. In some respects his behaviour is better, but in some it's much worse.

I can't leave DD alone with DS, not even for a minute, because he will hurt her. He will sit on her, lie on her, hit her, kick her, throw things at her, stand on her...he just seems to enjoy it.

I guess I'm looking for any advice or ideas; what can I do?

What do you do when he hurts her? What do you say?

At the moment I'm onto "DS, no! Stop! You do not hurt DD. If you hurt her one more time you'll be in time-out!" Then if he does anything again he goes into time-out. This was what my health visitor advised trying.

But, to be honest, time-out has no effect on him. And saying "if you do this again..." just ensures that he will definitely do it again.

I don't think that an almost 3 year old can understand "if" and that the best thing would be to remove him immediately from her vicinity with a clear "No!" and then pour attention on DD....I found ignoring my toddler for a minute was more than enough deterrent. Some will say ignoring them is mean, but they understand it better than a threat.

Thank you for replying! I've tried ignoring him & showering her, it has no great effect. 10 minutes later he'll just hit her again. Same with time-out - he'll either have an epic meltdown or behave very tritely, sit & do his time-out really well, but then once he's back in the room he'll do exactly the same thing again.

Have you tried sticker/reward charts? When he's played nicely with DD for a few minutes going over the top with praise - mummy loves it when you share your toys nicely with DD, thats very good behaviour DS, mummy is very proud etc etc lets choose which sticker to put your chart, or watch your favourite programme together (or whatever works for you). It may be worth a try, obviously still need to stop him hurting DD but if you give lots of attention when he's good as well that may help.

Still fumbling around this sort of thing myself (DD is 3 yrs, loves 3 mth old DS, but has occasional bouts of jealousy, especially when I'm bfing.)

Some thoughts:

• Zero tolerance on violence towards the younger. If he does anything then either straight to timeout for him or you pick up dd and walk away.
• Get him engaged with the baby, e.g. help with nappy changes, baths, feeding, choosing clothes, etc. It can get slow and messy, but it makes them feel useful and involved
• Big him up around the baby - 'ooh, dd is smiling at you', 'dd loves you doing xxx with her', 'you're a wonderful big brother', 'you're so clever doing that. You can teach dd when she's older', etc
• Acknowledge his feelings and talk to him about them. Give him a cushion to assault if he has frustration and jealousy to get out of his system
• Make time for special cuddly and fun time with ds. Keep telling him how much you love him.
• Make sure he isn't always coming second to the baby. If dd needs to wait whilst you do something for/with ds, tell dd that so ds can hear you.