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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Visual sexual arousal

26 replies

OneToThree · 07/10/2013 21:31

Me and ds have just had a music channel on and he started crying.
He said when he sees ladies wearing a bra or not much clothes it makes his willy and bum hurt a bit and feel a bit funny (his words). He is 6 years old.

I was a bit taken aback and told him as you get older your body and feelings change as you get older.

Is this normal for a 6 year old to have sexual feelings from something visual.

He will happily sit on the sofa and play with it which is fine I know a lot of boys do this at any age. It's the visual stimulus that is making me think that it's a bit odd.

I was really pleased that he felt comfortable enough to tell me.

Anybody had similar with their ds?

OP posts:

RhinestoneCowgirl · 07/10/2013 21:35

Well... my DS (7) recently told me that his willy 'went hot' (his way of describing an erection) when he was reading The Witches by Roald Dahl, so make of that what you will!

It sounds like you handled it fine, and it's great that you can both talk about this.

valiumredhead · 07/10/2013 22:00

Completely normal.

Original poster

OneToThree · 07/10/2013 22:12

Thank you both for that. Put my mind at rest.

With these kids there's always something else to learn and deal with.

OP posts:

birdybear · 07/10/2013 22:51

am i the only person thinking is it appropriate to be letting a six year old boy see multiple women in their underwear?

Original poster

OneToThree · 07/10/2013 22:54

Nothing too explicit. He was watching a pg rated film the other day and there were men and women in that by the pool in trunks and bikinis. Can see the same on holiday too.

OP posts:

nurseneedshelp · 07/10/2013 22:55

Rhinestone this had me chuckling!

Birdybear are you joking? I don't think you can get away with a child seeing ladies in underwear! Don't you wander around half naked/dc come and talkto whil your in the bath??

Llareggub · 07/10/2013 23:00

Well, I do have a 6 year old boy and I never put music channels on. I don't think they are appropriate viewing for him at all. I don't him seeing highly sexualised images.

But back to the OP, then yes I think it is normal.

ZuleikaD · 08/10/2013 09:48

I agree, I expect it's normal. However at 6 I wouldn't expect him to be playing with his willy in public (in the living room) - he should know by now that it's fine but it's private - for your bedroom or the bathroom.

birdybear · 08/10/2013 10:09

nurseneedshelp, yes, he does see me naked probably everyday. However, i said MULTIPLE women and in highly sexualised imagery. That is not appropriate in my view. I have a 6 year old dd and VERY occasionally i let her watch a music video i am very aware of what WE are watching and if it isn't suitable, either with the clothing, dancing or lyrics then i switch it off.

Music videos are very different to people on the beach etc.

TheArticFunky · 08/10/2013 11:03

Music videos are definitely different to the beach. I don't see women at the beach gyrating and sticking their ass out.

ZuleikaD · 08/10/2013 15:45

Actually it's not entirely appropriate, apparently, for children to see their opposite-gender parent naked after about 3 years old. I don't let my 3 year old DS in while I shower any more.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2013 15:47

Actually you are completely wrong and I have no idea where you'd get such an idea

Llareggub · 08/10/2013 16:38

Really? Not appropriate to see a parent naked?

What about all those Finns getting in the sauna together?

I still breastfeed my 4.5 year old son. I expect you'll combust now.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2013 16:40

I was still bathing with ds until he was at least 5. He'll often wander in and out while I'm changing and he's 12.

DontCallMeDaughter · 08/10/2013 16:47

There is a school of though that says children shouldn't see their parents (either sex) naked after the age of three, Pia Mellody writes a lot about it in her books.

I think it largely depends on the child, the adult and the relationship, much like everything else...

And OP, I still regularly embarrass my brother by reminding him of the time he told me his willy had gone all hard whilst we were watching a James Bond film! He'd have been 7 or 8 at the time...

DontCallMeDaughter · 08/10/2013 16:48

*thought

MadameSin · 08/10/2013 17:03

Children will let u know when they feel uncomfortable about seeing either parent naked. My ds2 is 10 and he is def not happy if he walks in on me in the shower or bath. Can't remember when it happened, but I think it's a natural course in maturing and becoming more aware. However, I don't have a problem if the child is older as I believe it's entirely a personal choice that remains the business of a family and not the likes Pia Mellody tbh.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2013 18:20

I completely agree.

birdybear · 08/10/2013 21:02

why shouldn't children see their parents naked over the age of three? I've never heard that before?

cupcake78 · 08/10/2013 21:24

Very normal. If could happen with anything not just music videos.

As for seeing your parents naked what's to hide? It's a body everyone has one. There is also research to suggest children who grow up in a family where nakedness is common place have a much better self body image and are more accepting of others physical attributes.

I would rather this than my children find porn is an appropriate place to base body image!

CocktailQueen · 08/10/2013 21:26

My dc are 10 and 6, one boy, one girl, and we all had a bath togeher the other day!! Nothing wrong with that as long as the kids are comfortable.

ZuleikaD · 09/10/2013 07:30

shrugs I read it in What To Expect - The Toddler Years: "Even if a child doesn't show ...interest, family nudity could become a problem by age three, when it's believed that some children unconsciously become sexually stimulated by parental nudity." It adds that same-sex nudity is fine though because it can "help foster positive feelings in a child about their own sexuality."

I remember being deeply uncomfortable at about age 5 with my father walking around naked but not saying anything because objecting seemed to go against the family grain, so maybe I'm just going with advice that supports my own feelings.

ZuleikaD · 09/10/2013 07:31

I didn't mean 'shrugs' to be bold there - I meant that I was shrugging.

SalmonellaDeGhoul · 09/10/2013 09:59

What about cultures where people don't wear many clothes at all?

ZuleikaD · 09/10/2013 10:03

I don't know - but presumably where near-nudity is the norm then visually, nudity is much less exciting. Being clothed is the norm in our culture, however, and we have standards for appropriate levels of it (the number of shops that put up signs about not shopping in bikinis in the summer, for example) so therefore being unclothed carries messages with it.

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