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How should we help improve 2.2yo ds behaviour? Help please!

4 replies

lunavix · 29/06/2006 14:30

My ds has always been quite a good child. He'll go to bed at any time, and play if he's not tired until he falls asleep. He'll even go play in his cot for an hour if dh and I have to do something (not that we really ever do lol but he would!) He likes a lie-in, and is good in the mornings.
He eats really well, isn't fussy, and is a lot less messy than 3yos I know. He's started potty training, we've had a number of accidents, but he's mostly doing pretty well. He loves brushing his teeth, reading stories, and he prefers healthy food to unhealthy.

So where did my little saint go?

He's started not being so happy at sharing with my two main mindees - I've had them well over a year so he's been growing up with them and has always been fantastic at sharing. They don't share though, and I feel it's rubbed off a little, and now he's almost horrid to one of them, and will even shove him and things. Yet he can still share occassionally, and will comforth them if upset... but mostly will be nasty and won't share.

He's learnt to preface everything with 'please' (dh and I are quite strict on good manners, at home or when we are out he has to say please for simply everything else he doesn't get it, and he says thank you else it's taken off him) and he thinks saying please should get him everything. So his usual daily goal is 'please.....bikbik' I hear it about 400 times a day if not more and it ends in a tantrum when I say no. I don't really know what to do about this, as yes he is asking nicely, but I don't want him eating biscuits! The fact he's asking for something unhealthy is even more of a stress to me as well. Dh thinks he should just never get a biscuit again until he stops (he may have two a week normally??) but the problem is my older mindees are allowed them after school... so granted I can still tell ds no but it's not like we can just not have them in the house.

The same thing goes for two dvds (his current obsessions... chicken little and thomas the tank engine) he asks for them constantly...

He's just started tantrums in other areas, today dh took him for swimming lesson and he just shouted at dh, laughed and ran off the whole time. Dh was mortified, they've been having lessons since ds was born and he's never been naughty before. The instructors actually asked dh if ds was like it all the time at home, and spoilt! Another one is 'this way' when we are out, he wants to go his way not mine.. fair enough but the tantrums again....

What have people done that works? We've always prided ourselves on having a fairly well behaved child, he's never been an angel but he's been good enough..... dh is a little too quick with a hand smack, and I'd rather have another method to stop that.... please help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Olihan · 29/06/2006 15:00

I think it may be a developmental stage. My ds went through a very similar phase at the same age - angel to terror seemingly overnight. I was tearing my hair out at the time but it passed fairly quickly.

In terms of strategies, I went with the hugely over the top praise whenever he did anything good, ignored any behaviour that wasn't violent or agressive and put him in his bedroom for 2 mins time out when he was violent.

Tantrums and running away are harder, especially when you're out in public. I had some really 'what an awful mother' moments but I felt I had to be consistent with him. If he ran off when we were out I held his hand (or wrist if he wouldn't hold my hand) and refused to let go until he calmed down and walked nicely without struggling. I also had a wrist rein that I used when it was really dire and I couldn't hold him. The tantrums were huge but I just ignored him and towed him along until he calmed down. Then I'd give him a big hug and a kiss and praise him for calming down. If we were somewhere like swimming or soft play and he was messing about I'd give him 2 warnings then he'd have to sit away from what he was doing for two minutes (usually held on my lap) or until he calmed down They learn quite quickly that they'll miss out if they don't do as they're told!!

Another thing that worked occasionally was distracting him from whatever he wanted, especially if it involved trying to make him to something I wanted, ie, go my way. If it wasn't urgent I'd sometimes let him choose the route so he felt like he had some control. Othertimes I'd do the over the top, 'look, I just saw a digger/ giant green bird/ lorry down this way, quick, run, let's find it', or I bet you can't beat mummy to the next lamppost' sort of thing.

Saying 'please' because he thinks it will get him what he wants made me because ds does exactly the same thing. I usually say 'you can't have it now, you can have one later', same with TV, DVDs etc, and distract him with something else. If he tantrumed I'd just walk away and totally ignore him. I do wonder if he sees your mindees having a biscuit and feels it's unfair? If he is around when they're having them you could try letting him have one when they have one (1 biscuit a day isn't going to kill him) and say no or offer an alternative at all other times.

I've definitely found that saying 'you can have/ do x later' is better than saying an outright 'no'. It still causes a few ructions but generally he's more accepting.

It's really hard when they're having lots of tantrums, espescially when it's out of character but it's only a developmental thing. He's leaning all these new things and testing his boundries to see exactly how far he can push mummy and daddy. If you are consistent, firm but praise lots and let him have a limited amount of control then he will revert back to your angelic ds again. It is so hard to be consistent when all you want to do is scream though but it does pay off in the end!!

lunavix · 29/06/2006 19:45

I'm just hoping he grows out of it lol.. I want my angelic son back before I rip all my hair out lol.

I know one biscuit a day won't kill him.... but it's just the tantrums that follow all the time..

OP posts:
nicnack2 · 29/06/2006 19:53

mine ds1 is 3 in a fortnight and he was very much like yours. we are getting i want all day, sweets,biscuits, pressie, and he does not get these things routinly. tantrums when out. i am sure this will pass as he is just testing me.

Lact8 · 29/06/2006 20:04

They must be cloning them because you just described my ds2, now 2.4 yrs!

I follow the same strategy as olihan, it does require a lot of patience but works most of the time. Every few weeks he'll have a couple of days where he really pushes his luck but it does usually settle down again.

He too is doing the pushing thing, grr, and is happy to share as long as he gets to decide what the other one will play with

He keeps slipping out of my grip when we walk to the shops and recently did it on a zebra crossing and just ran off. I was really scared he would get hurt and also really angry that he chose the middle of the road to do it. I knelt down and told him it was a very dangerous thing to do and he went off on one. I ended up dragging him behind me around the butchers, the chemist and the spar with him screaming full pelt

He continued all the way home and by the time we were back I felt like crying too.

However, he is holding tight to my hand now or the pram whenever we are out and a woman stopped me in the street and said 'He's in a better mood today' and I couldn't even recall seeing her. She went on to say she thought I had done the right thing with him and dealt with it in the right way even though it's hard work to put up with at the time. So some people do understand. I'm really shocked at what people have said to you olihan!

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