Help my 5 yr old is driving us mad

[boyshoes]

I have 2 daughters, 5 & 8 (Yr 1 & 4) my youngest's behaviour is getting intolerable. She is an angel at school and for everyone but my partner and I. Whenever we are about to do anything she puts in a list of her requirements and if it doesn't go her way has a massive tantrum. She will not back down, we've given up with the naughty step and now physically put her in her room until she calms down (this is getting harder as she gets bigger). If we can reason with her we 'compromise' on some of her demands and then she just adds a whole load more. It's a nightmare.

My older daughter is suffering as she ends up giving in to her sisters demands to keep the piece and our family time is often ruined by her tantrums. Taking away treats or putting her to bed etc doesn't work, she doesn't seem to care.

Any ideas?

Don't know but I would never give in to a 'demand' because its just teaching them that they can get their own way sometimes. Kids learn quickly and she'll very quickly pick up on the fact that she gets her own way in order for the peace to stay and it will only escalate.

We have something similar with my 5 year old so I am wondering if its the age. Many people I know are saying the same so it could be. DS doesn't demand things but he just has this attitude sometimes and we are at a loss, we try and focus on the positives, have a sticker chart etc. Sometimes it works for a bit but it doesn't seem to last. I have never bothered with the naughty step, I don't really like the label of that. For us, putting him in his room if he is really kicking off works as he calms down himself and can join us when he is calm and apologises. I admit we don't need to do this often as this is the extreme. I notice a difference when he is tired, behaviour is worse then.

I would keep putting her in her room, DS is a big strong lad but I will not let him see that I struggle to get him up there. Under no circumstances would I ever give in when its demanded. Are there times when she calmly asks for something that you can say yes?

I have been watching that 3 day nanny and she said try and say yes instead of always saying no, like "mum can I have a biscuit (right before tea" and instead of saying no, you say "yes you can, once you've eaten your tea."

Seems simple when you are told but we often wouldn't think of doing it that way.

Sounds much like my DD1 (6 in a few days; am hoping for some sort of magical transformation!). One thing I'm learning is that you absolutely have to follow through. DD1 went through a stage of not caring about missing out on treats etc. but now that no does mean no, she seems to be getting the idea. For example, she really wants a pirate outfit which we have no problems buying for her. However, she wanted it immediately and the shops were shut! She carried on and on and on about it and eventually we told her she wasn't getting one this weekend. Again she carried on but eventually dropped the subject. And passed me a little note to say "To Mummy, I am sorry for beeing so rood".

I agree that consistency is the key. If I say something, I follow it through, unless I realise I have been completely unreasonable then I will admit it and say so.

DS is getting it too, he has been saying sorry off his own back and he knows why (I make sure he knows why he is standing there saying sorry, as sometimes I wonder if he thinks saying it without a reason will make it all better).

I am also trying to curb my own negative behaviour. I am too authoritive sometimes, too much expecting that they should jump immediately, too much shouting and nagging. When I am like this I notice DS's behaviour is worse. The worse I am, the worse he is so I am making a real conscious effort. Although sometimes when I do and he plays up I wonder why I bother!