My 4 Yr Old boy gets into my bed every night. I need it to stop for my sanity!

[SoulSista7]

My 4 yr Old is a sensative, loving boy. His father left us about a year and a half ago. It was a very slow and gradual thing when he left and we have remained to have a very civil relationship. My daughter was 10 months when their father left. Although i thought I wasn't going to survive, infact, it was the last time I logged into to 'Mumsnet' for advise, and it really helped, things have moved on considerably and I have a brilliant full time job, a wonderful new partner (Of 6 months. Doesn't live with me and has 2 young children of his own which he has a lot of the time), and I am now happy and surviving (just!).
Their father helps out a lot and does almost as much as he can. As I said, we have a very good relationship and have still 'parented' the children together, asking each others opinions and advice regarding the children.
However, since he left, my son has got into bed with me in the night. Obviously, at first I thought that this would just have to be the way of things for a while and that he needed me for comfort in the night, but now, a year and a half on, with a demanding full time job, two under 5's and a new partner, I am trying to get him to sleep in his own bed at night and he wont. I have tried sticker charts, i have redecorated his room almost to his exact spec, I have screamed and shouted, I have said nothing and put him back in his bed (only to wake up with him back next to me), and as I write this, I am sooooo tired. We have talked about it and he says he will try to stay in his bed, he never does, we have not talked about it, he still ends up in my bed. He kicks out in the night and is extremely fidgety and I cannot sleep. On the rare ocasion that my partner stays, he still gets in. I have bought one of those alarm clocks that tells him he cant get up until he sees the sun, that hasn't worked.
I have even resorted in the last week of buying a sofa bed and sleeping downstairs, but he got uo in the night and joined me.
He says that he is too hot in his bed, or that he's scared of the light bulb popping (I once changed it and it exploded, not a massive bang but none the less, a bang!), and a few other reasons, none of which I believe, but I do think he is scared, just of the night. I'm not sure if his father leaving has any baring on this. I'm sure from what i said you would assume that it was because thats when this started, but he's never been a very good sleeper.
Anyway, if you have any similar problems or constuctive tips, I would be very grateful.
Thank you.

I co-slept with my boys until they were one as it was easier to feed. Then they moved into their own beds. Which was fine and then maybe a year or so down the line they would sneak into our bed. The best tip the HV gave to me was make your bed as unappealing as possible so effectively scooch them to the corner of the bed so they are almost hanging out they soon learn that they'll have a more comfy settled sleep in their own bed. It worked really well. Good Luck.

Can he share with the baby? Then he won't be so lonely. I was terrified of the dark as a very young kid so feel his pain!

Hello. I'm kind of in the same situation.

My 5yo daughter does this. It all started at the beginning of the year when she got ill after an operation for 2 weeks. I kept her in my bed so i could keep an eye on her. But i think we both liked staying in the same bed (warmer and more snuggly) so i let her choose which bed she wanted to sleep in from then on each night.

However, it has recently become a problem because i have to wake up really early in the mornings to get work done before leaving the house. But my alarm of course wakes up dd.

She's fine falling asleep in her own bed, but halfway through the night she will sneak into mine and will then wake up when my alarm goes in the morning.

She's so good at sneaking that i don't notice her coming in, therefore can't put her back.

Like you, i've tried charts, talking to her about it, stickers, buying a new bedset, buying new wall hangings for around her bed etc... but she still comes into mine.

TBH, the only thing i can now think of is putting her old baby/safety gate back on her door. It's one with a stiff handle which she won't be able to open herself. And i can tell her to shout on me if she needs it opened to go for a wee or something.

Could this be an option for you?

I could have written your OP - a LP with a 4yr old ds who gets in every night. Every couple of months he'll have a night or two in his own bed but then it's back in with me. Most of the time I don't even wake up now although he can be a fidget so I often have very disturbed sleep.

Sorry, I don't have any answers - I'm actually beginning to think that he sleep walks into my room it's such a habit. Will look for good ideas on this thread.

I keep telling myself he'll grow out of it? Please?

Watching with interest. DS is almost 3 and does this. I settle him in his bed, but at some point during the night comes in with DP & I

Hi guys, very new to this 'blogging' malarchy! He does sleep in the room with his sis. She sleeps through. I've even put thier beds paralel so that they can see each other. I might try leaving the landing light on tonight.
Littlecloud - it cant be more uncomfortable then when my partner stays! He is literally on the egde (I will only have him on my side) and none of us can move. He even gets out and sleeps on the floor if it gets too uncomfortabel but I feel terrible when that happens and scoop him back into my bed or his, but this still doesn't deter him.

Can you introduce a little cuddly bear for him? My ds (4) has his bear and will cuddle that. In the night he comes into our room for me to put him back into bed and will snuggle up to his bear. He just likes me there when he drifts off.

Thanks guys. Really thought i was opening myself up to some harsh comments, i guess I feel a bit guilty for not giving him a stable 'family' home and bringing a new man in on the scene quite early in all of this, but in my defense, these circumstances were pretty much out of my hands and i am so much happier now that I have a new loving partner, (and the kids by the way, love him),but it is really good to hear I am not the only one. Now it's just a case of what to do?
I don't feel comfortable with the stair gate thing, at all. It feels like I'm 'caging' him in and I don't want that. If he's genuinly scared then I think that would just scare him more!

Yes CR, my boy has two teddies. One since birth and one more recent. They always go to bed with him, he just brings them into my room with him when he comes in.

Hi Soul, my boy also comes in- i have put a mattress down on the floor next to my bed. He knows he has to bring in his own pillow and duvet if he comes in. This makes it a bit more hassle for him, means he isn't scared but isn't iin my bed, ; if he does get in mybed i can shift him down there easily; sometimes i need to hold his hand but we soon drop off: best of all i dont get woken up with his feet in my face!.