Strategy for dealing with 4yo wee accidents

[MegBusset]

I need some ideas of how to stop DS2 (4.6yo) leaving it too late to go to the toilet. He has never had brilliant bladder control (has been in pants since 2.6y but we had a LOT of damp pants and trousers for months after) but for the past year he has been basically fine. Went dry at night within a few weeks of being out of nappies. Took himself to the loo at nursery, no problem.

Over the summer he had a few incidents of leaving it too late to go and having accidents, this has happened more and more frequently and now it is happening every day (sometimes several times a day). He has to be told to go to the loo and resists until the very last minute (hopping with crossed legs etc). Often this means by the time he actually gets to the loo it's too late.

I have tried going back to basics with a reward chart for going a day without an accident, and taking him to the toilet even if he says he doesn't need to go. It just doesn't seem to be making any difference. I am so frustrated to still be dealing with this two years down the line and am at a loss what to do next. Any help PLEASE! He has just started reception (has had several accidents there too) but this regression predates that.

I tell ds to go to the loo in a firm voice. He definitely holds it until the last minute - because he's playing or something and will deny. But I have to be firm.

Also I get him to go before we leave the house so minimise accidents as well as at various points in the day if out.

One thing that works well (a tip from mumsnet) is to get ds to look for sneaky wees - eg say in a staged whisper "is there a sneaky wee hiding? Let's go and see if we can get it out".

Thanks, it just feels like he really ought to take responsibility for knowing when he needs a wee, plus I can't always be there to remind him. This morning despite being told to go for a wee he did a huge wee on the bedroom floor, I am really starting to lose patience!

I actually went and got one of his younger brothers nappies last week, and told him he obviously wasn't a big boy as big boys wee on toilets, and so he needed a nappy like his baby brother.

Seems to have had the desired effect to date, but then I guess its dependant on you knowing they won't accept the nappy!

Trousers come back from school smelling of wee, but he hasn't been changed, so I think we get dribbles, and the majority then in the loo. I've also played on the "people won't want to play with you if you smell"

I'm past the point of being kind and understanding!