Help - toddler screaming next door and we don't know what to do anymore

[Everlong111]

I'm writing here for advice and help with an issue we are having every day with our next door neighbour.

They have a daughter who is three years old. We are being disturbed by her every day and we don't know what to do anymore.

They put her to bed every day at 6 - 6:30pm. She usually screams. In the morning, she screams and just shouts from 5:30am all through the morning. I'm not just saying that she is crying - it is shouting and even banging on the wall.

There just seems to be no control over how loud she is - we have even switched our bedrooms around to try and get some more rest, but she is still waking us up every day.

I don't know what to do anymore. If it was just crying, I wouldn't be writing this post and asking for your help. It's shouting and occasional banging and sometimes they let her outside in the back garden to play at 7am at the weekend...

Any advice would be really appreciated x

Two issues... do you think her parents are acting in an abusive/ neglectful way? If so, you should call child protection and report concerns. If you think she is safe and adequately parented, but loud, it seems like the choices are to either try to deal with the noise, or live with it. Earplugs are the obvious way to minimise the impact of the noise on you, or talking to neighbours/ council to try to get neighbours to change their behaviour.
Not nice living next to noisy neighbours, hope you find a solution.

We used to have neighbours like this. All day every day the two kids screamed and shouted and banged. They woke us up at night and we could never have a long lie as they screamed from about 6am.
I went round and spoke to the mother lots of times and in the end we fell out. We couldn't sit in our own house during the day as the noise drove me insane and in summer it was worse as we couldn't use the garden to relax in either.
We gave up and moved in the end.

Perhaps go round and tell them how it is affecting you and that you have already moved rooms etc and ask them to move her room perhaps? If her bedroom was away from your wall that might help?
See what they say, they might be amenable but if they are letting her scream and shout all day they probably won't realise how bad it is for you.
You have my sympathies, its awful living like this.

I totally feel for you as I have had the awful experience of living under a family with a toddler (mind you that was more charging about, banging things, stomping and the mother shouting than anything else) - but...as the parent of a VERY loud toddler who screams any time he doesn't get his own way and will only stop when it suits him, can I ask just how you expect them to get her to be quiet?! genuinely if there is a humane way of doing this I'd like to know what it is.

I agree with PP the neighbours may be considerate enough to think about swapping rooms around to minimise the impact for you (I should imagine it's 10 times worse for them actually living with it so hopefully they'll be understanding) - but if not I guess it's just a matter of time before she has enough words to vent her frustrations that she doesn't need to shout and scream any more. like someone else said if you've no concerns for her wellbeing it may be a case of have a polite word or live with it

Have you talked to them about it? It may be that they don't realise how much she is actually disturbing you. I do think that living next to a family means you will experience noise but from 5.30am every morning is really not on.

I am very paranoid about how much noise my 23mo DTs make and I know we disturb the neighbours but I do try to do everything I can to keep the noise to a minimum and it is a struggle sometimes.

Have you told them?

Lining up to find out how to stop them waking at 5:30.

You could be writing about me. If it helps, I am ashamed, exhausted, my marriage is falling apart with the stress of it, it's affecting my son, it means DD is a monster all day and leaves me feeling like shit. You cannot drug a child or lock it in but nothing will make a child sleep who does not want to. Yes, it's crap but just thought I'd share the flip side. It is living hell.

Sorry, over-emotional. Just makes me realise that between the hours of seven and nine pm and five to seven am we are pariahs. Gross projecting. Sorry you're going through this, OP.

It very much depends. I have a noisy three year old who hates bedtime and we struggle to stop him screaming, shouting when he's having a tantrum. It's not always easy to keep them quiet.
But all day doesn't sound right. Do you hear the parents trying to calm her down? Also, what does the screaming sound like? Is it just shouting, or does she sound genuinely upset?
I would suggest talking to them about it. They may not be aware of how much it's disturbing you. It's definitely the first step, we try to keep DS quiet but I'd prefer to know if the neighbour is being bothered.

Poor kid .
OP, yeah, it's very hard having noise from next door, worth having a word as people ar often oblivious. However, no kid should be left to scream like that,

Thank you so much for all of your replies.

The noise is either banging on the wall, shouting or screaming and crying. Often it is just shouting and that is what bothers me most at 5:30am. It feels as though they don't care or even try to get her to be a little quieter.

When she cries and screams at night time or in the night, they just leave her. When it is in the day, they don't seem to say anything either. They just don't seem to ever tell her to stop or quieten down. It's as though the daughter rules the house and they have no control.

I would add that the father works nights and the mother works days and they don't have any support from friends or a nanny. Plus, they seem to be home 24/7 - they never go out which means we only get a break from the noise when we go out.

Thank you again. I have decided to speak with them, and I'll just speak to them about the early mornings because I understand that the rest is none of our business. Any noise before 8am that involves banging on our bedroom wall (and that is the parent's room next to out main bedroom), is the main issue.

How do you know that they leave her if she cries in the night ? And that they don't try and calm her or keep her quiet ??
It may be that they are trying hard but she won't calm down, my DDs are easy to calm but DS won't calm down until he wants to and can scream and cry for a good hr or more, in that time I am trying my hardest to get him to stop but nothing works.

Please so talk to them they not realise how much you can hear them.

We often have comments apparently said in jest from our neighbours about the noise from us but they are children and they make noise (no banging at 5am though ) I try my best to keep them quiet but they are children and often cannot always be controlled/kept quiet.

I hope that talking to them sorts the problem but please bear in mind they aren't doing it on purpose to annoy you

Sorry you are going through this OP. We are a family with a very very loud toddler and I have no idea what the downstairs neighbours must think if us.

In terms of them not calming down, I wonder if you can't hear their efforts because they aren't shouting etc.

You sound very reasonable given your comment about only discussing the morning. Good luck.

How about offering them some support? It sounds as though they are having a hard time, with the work patterns you have described. I bet they are all shattered.