ds2 kepps biting, nipping, pushing, pullingetc and today i broke down and cried to to a complete strangers

[albosmum]

I have posted re: ds before he keeps biting etc...(he has been doing this for about 1 year) and i have become almost obsessively worried about him starting pre-school in september. Today i went to see the pre-school i want to send him to and i asked about behaviour manageent and broke down in tears.We then went to the park where he bit another child. I then went to see the hv for the first time in 14 months for advice broke down in tears again. HV says i am managning problem correctly and eventually he will stop. I am very stressed, really cross with myself for not being able to control my emotions, concerned that i can't send ds to that pre-school now i have made a complete fool of myself.

We have stopped ging to all group activities because i cannot trust DS

Hi,
Is he your first child? I remember ds1 going through a big pushing phase and we felt too embarrassed to take him to playgrounds or even round to friends' houses because he'd just push (very roughly!) other children and we'd always be apologising. I think he could see we were so stressed about it though, which didn't help... Funnily enough he was completely different at nursery and it wasn't ever a problem. maybe your ds is aware you're utterly stressed about it and it's almost a good attention game for him - which I'm trying to say could be positive in that it doesn't necessarily mean he'll be like that at pre-school. Hope that makes sense and sorry if I've got it all wrong. but don't not send your ds to pre-school - it might do him good to be in a different surrounding and watching lots of other children who don't bite.

It will stop - definitely - it's just so hard waiting it out and keeping sane. Good luck - maybe you could visit the pre-school with ds a few times this term to see how he goes?

I haven't any solutions for you, but will bump it for you.

Maybe he should socialise a bit more - maybe with people who know you both really well.

I'm sorry your upset. My ds is only 10 months and he's a biter, but I'm hoping it's a phase and will soon pass.

Could you see a different health visitor? Or ask to be refered to a behavioural psychologist? I think the dr can refer you.

thanks for that btw he is my second child but ds never bit or anything like that - he could throw a good tantrum I could cope with that but not with biting. Should i send ds to preschool that i cried in today or not.

If you like the preschool you should send him and trust they will cope with the biting.Take a deep breath and ignore the embarrassment of crying - in my book that only shows you care.
My ds1 and dd2 bit - it was awful and you do get really emotional and upset about it - I certainly did and dd2 is my fourth child.(And obsessed, as well)You think it's your fault, but it's not. Send him, because he needs to go, and if the preschool is good they will be able to cope with it.
I still have butterflies picking up dd2 from nursery but she won't learn how to behave unless she's with other children. Your ds will be great in the end -my ds1 is lovely (aged 13 now!) and not an aggressive person at all.

My dd's at pre-school with a little boy who bites and pushes etc. His mother, who is very concerned about it like you, has spoken to me about him a lot. The school talk to her about it too and understand she's embarrassed and I think are doing a good job of getting it under control. Dd says he's been much better this term. Schools are used to this kind of thing, the crying mothers as much as the pushing kids! Were they understanding when you broke down in front of them?

You think they haven't seen mothers in tears before?I suspect it's not nearly as unusual as you think.(I've done it if that helps,and Ds2 had been there for ages so I didn't really have the option of taking him out)
If you like the playgroup, send him.

Hi, I manage a pre-school and wanted to reassure you, we've seen it all before! If you liked the school then go for it as someone has already said your son will only learn to socialise by socialising. Be honest and up front with the staff and ask them to keep you informed of his progress. I think it will be great for your sons social skills and if the pre-school is good and challenging then they will find other ways for him to channel his aggression. Most children have this aggression they just display it in different ways, its just that biting sounds so horrific!

I just wanted to say I've been there Albosmum and I sympathise because my ds was a hitter and it really got me down, more than anything else I've experienced as a mother. I stopped taking him to activities because I was so embarrased by his behaviour and I had to watch him like a hawk, it was no fun for either of us. Once I was having a particularly bad day with him and I burst into tears in the supermarket (twice in front of two different people who spoke to me). I also cried for about an hour in the HV's office. When my son went to playgroup and then nursery I dreaded picking him up because of what he might have done that day. All I can say is that it will get better gradually and one day it won't be a problem. It does seem to go on forever but it is a phase although I'm sure you're sick of hearing that. My son is 6 now and he is brilliant so there is light at the end of the tunnel

thank you for all your lovely helpful replies you all always make me feel better and more normal!!