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End of tether with 8 year old

2 replies

Chasingtails · 05/10/2013 20:20

Hi everyone

I'm wondering if anyone will have any similar experience that might help me. I have an 8 year old who is driving me up the wall. At home she doesn't listen, cannot follow instructions, is incredibly silly and immature with her younger brother, laughing, giggling, being rude, not listening and stopping the behaviour when she's been told off for that, instead laughing at me and exacerbating the situation so I end up shouting. She never says sorry - I really am not sure she ever FEELS sorry, it simply doesn't occur to her to say it. She doesn't seem to realise there will be consequences of her bad behaviour even though we're always saying 'if you do that again we will take away x, you won't go to y' and follow it through. When it happens she accuses us of being unreasonable, not recognising for a second it has anything to do with her own behaviour which she was warned about and failed to change. Minutes later she's forgotten about the thing that's been taken away, doesn't care in the slightest, moves on to the next thing. Therefore it's always been difficult to punish her - whatever we do or take away, she doesn't care!

She has an incredibly active imagination, finds it difficult to switch off at night and get to sleep. Is always making, writing, creating something which she is REALLY into for a few hours, a few days or a few weeks.

At school she is bright: advanced and very fast reading (was reading year 6 books in year 3) with amazing recall of information that amazes us and teachers. She is well behaved at school tho teacher does say she fidgets a lot and concentration isn't great. And she talks ALL THE TIME. She loves chatting and from a very young age preferred talking to adults - now she has a few good friends but is not super popular. She comes across very confident and is very engaging to adults.

As a baby she needed constant entertainment and stimulation. Could not be let go of for a second outside until she was about 3.5 because she would just RUN and not look back.

I have looked into ADHD online - her behaviour ticks 75% of the symptoms (she CANNOT sit still, talks incessantly, interrupts conversations, waves arms and jumps about, impulsiveness is predominant). She also ticks 75% of the Gifted and Talented checklist on the Mensa website (I came across both of these just googling her behaviour). But because she is able to follow instructions at school and is well behaved I understand that cannot be ADHD because it has to reflect the same behaviour in multiple situations.

Do I need a doctor? A psychologist? Parenting classes to deal better with just who she is?

We always say that most of these attributes will stand her in good stead when she's an adult but at home, aged 8, they are affecting the whole family negatively.

Any thoughts welcome.

Thanks.

OP posts:
ICameOnTheJitney · 05/10/2013 22:18

Have school got a G&T register? If not, I think that you should simply look into more stimulation for her...possibly look at a tutor who can help her get even further in her studies. She sounds like she needs more input to me....she's doing well at school...she's not naughty there. Does she have any extra curricular activities?

Jinty64 · 06/10/2013 10:04

She sounds very like my ds1, who has an ADHD diagnosis and ds3 who is not yet officially diagnosed but has it. They inherited it from me. I was never picked up in school because I was well behaved, very bright etc. it was only as I got older and had to organise more things for myself it became more obvious. Children with ADHD are not always badly behaved - my ds3 is angelic in school and not particularly difficult at home but I do think it is easier to spot it in boys. You say the school have noted difficulties with sitting still and concentration which means she is displaying the behaviour in more than one setting. It may be worth asking for a referral.

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