Violent rage

[Fifibluebell]

My DS is just 2, he is very excitable and friendly to everyone we pass in the street but he has been having these angry rages since he was about 17 months where they could last for 3 hours they are a mixture of attacking me and attacking himself without me being able to distract him, food, toys, going outside cuddles a dummy, his favourite bunny,removing him from the situation, putting him in a "safe place but he will just punch himself and try to scratch his eyes, tried restraining him removed myself from the situation he just carries on and hurts himself smashes his head on the ground over and over! There is no visible trigger for this I could jussi. although he seems to have quite a few allergies and I don't know what they are been under the dietitian and can't seem to work them out (currently waiting for an allergy appointment in December) so could be because of tummy ache...he's 2 now and keeps punching me mostly goes for my face if he can reach he doesn't punch anyone else never been violent to any children infact if a child takes a toy away from him he will come and attack me instead! He full on belts me round the face out of the blue, he can be happy as larry then just wallop me he pinches, scratches! He broke my nose when he head butted me! He swings his arm right back and really goes for it then will carry on as normal I tell him off I say its naughty he shouldn't hit mummy all the usual, to be honest he couldn't give a shit! I really don't know how to deal with it? Any super nanny types out there help me??

After I said no visible trigger I meant to write I could just ask if he wants a drink and he will attack

I didn't want to read and run...what a difficult situation for you! It must be very very tough to remain patient through all this! DD smacks me and the pain makes me quite pissed off so I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with a toddler who's broken your nose.

I don't really have any experience of this. Trying to think of something helpful to say: could he be hungry/thirsty/tired? could you hug him tight and wait for it to be over? would time out work (doesn't sound like it would if he hurts himself)?

How's his speech? Have his ears been tchecked?

Is he like this with you only?

The hugging him tight was when he managed to break my nose! It seems to make him even more angry the more I do the worse he gets and will just get over it in his own time but whilst I'm waiting for him to get over it I get punched! He is a bit funny with food very fussy think he is a bit scared to eat sometimes because of how sick he was being with allergies the sickness has calmed down a lot with cutting certain things out but I have tried the usual naughty bribes biscuits etc and proper food but he refuses it all when he is angry

He only ever attacks me...His speech isn't the best but definitely improving and he understands when I speak to him his hearing is absolutely fine, he definitely has selective hearing he always ignores me if he is playing and if I get to involved that will make him kick off even if he is just sat looking at a book and I say theres a toothbrush can set him off I feel like I'm treading on egg shells with him and he's only just 2! He's not fat by any stretch quite the opposite but he is quite solid and actually really hurts me and he's only going to get stronger and stronger!

He will raise his arms for me to pick him up and seem upset about something and as soon as he is high enough he will hit me? So
I'm even cautious about picking him up now

If he is at my mums house for example and he starts I can take myself away and leave him with her he will just roll around, punch and scratch himself until he is ready to be over it

It sounds as if you are his “safe person” so when your DS is upset or in pain or whatever, attacking you is the same as attacking himself? But it isn’t safe for you of course. So letting him get over it in his own time is probably the safest thing to do.

His reactions do sound extreme and hard to predict, you shouldn’t have to be walking on eggshells and not knowing what is going to trigger him. Having a rage attack just from being offered a drink could be a sensory problem, or maybe he can’t cope with being interrupted and (along with the selective hearing) it could be some kind of attention problem. You could tell the GP about this behaviour, ask for him to see a developmental paediatritian and get it checked out. Does your DS get speech therapy? If so, you could ask the speech therapist about it, as it might be connected.

I went through something a little bit like this with my DS when he was a toddler. He used to have long tantrums and scratch his own face and attack me (especially my face) when he was upset. I know how it feels being careful picking him up when he’s upset! Though it wasn't all the same, my DS could attack other kids and adults too. My DS has an Asperger’s diagnosis now.

Good luck, it is hard when they react so strongly

Please get his ears checked. Also I would suspect his allergies are bothering him - it could be a low level constant discomfort bothering him.

I would definitely speak to the GP about this...poor you and poor DS. It sounds like something is upsetting him.x

He hasn't seen a speech therapist i know they have them on a Thursday afternoon as a walk in, so will deffo go to that. Yeah the "safe person" thing I had considered why it is always me which I suppose is better that he hit me rather than other children. Will deffo see my gp I have seen health visitor she did home visits and said it was normal 2 year old behaviour and dismissed when I said but I don't see it with other children to such an extreme extent! He is definitely unhappy about something but what? His hearing isn't an issue had check when born and again at about 8 months I can call his name or try and get his attention for 5/10 minutes can say it loudly and he will ignore me if I say the word cake quietly he will immediately turn around and say "cake?" He can hear perfectly he chooses not to respond!

Before Thursday it’s probably worth making a note of each tantrum like a diary to take with you– when it happened, what your DS and you were doing when it started, how long it lasted, if your DS hurt you or himself. That will help make it clear to the doctor/therapist if anything is different from ordinary toddler tantrums.

It’s very hard to know what’s troubling such a young child, they can’t tell us . I do think the most important thing is to keep everybody safe til it’s over – including yourself. I found it helped if I kept things calm and quiet, if I got upset or angry it only dragged things out. (I didn’t worry so much about my DS’s early tantrums because I used to throw terrible head-banging tantrums myself when I was little which really upset my poor mum but I never hurt myself.) I didn’t punish my DS for hurting me at that age, and I didn’t make a fuss afterwards, I kept out of reach and we returned to normal and carried on. I also did a lot of tantrum-avoiding, but that was later on, when DS was older and I had a better idea what was setting him off. The one thing that did help right through (but may be no use at all for your DS!) was keeping to a routine, my DS always got a lot worse if anything about his daily routine was changed.

(I’m not at all sure if Supernanny would approve but never mind )