I'm getting increasingly concerned about my Ds's friendship with the ds of a friend of mine. They go to the same school and have known each other since before school (about three years now). Ds is very young for his year and the other boy is 5 already.
They have always had a turbulent relationship which has often led to periods of time where me and my friend haven't met up with the kids because it was just too stressful. (DS went through a hitting phase when they were younger, and then my friend's DS seemed to enjoy constantly winding my DS up so my Ds was in tears all the time)
When the two of them were in nursery, ds had lots of other friends and often chose not to play with the other boy saying things like he was 'mean' and that he told Ds he couldn't play with certain toys. I just put it down to normal kids stuff and didn't think much of it. At the end of the summer, we had a playdate with the other boy and it became obvious that my friend's ds is very bright but controlling and my ds seemed so impressed by him that he would do exactly what he said. Ds is not a particularly sheep like character and it did seem rather weird the effect this boy had on him.
Roll on a couple of months and both of them have moved up to reception, leaving some of my ds's younger friends at nursery. Ds comes home telling me that this boy tells him not to play with certain other children, tells him not to 'like' certain other boys and if he does then he won't be his friend etc. I obviously tell ds he can choose to like and play with whomever he chooses and coach him on what to say to the other boy to politely ignore his demands. DS seems happier and comes home later in the week saying he has started playing with a boy new to the class.
Last week, ds tells me that he has stopped playing with this new boy. When I ask why, he says the other boy has told him he's 'not allowed' to play with him anymore.
It all comes to a bit of a head when DS has his belated party at the weekend - the other boy arrives late but refuses to come in, won't join in any of the games and sulks outside, looking in the window watching my ds and the other kids having fun. I ask DS to go and ask him to come in, which in hindsight was not a good idea, as the boy makes unpleasant comments to ds about his dancing, his clothes etc. DS crumples and comes to me in fits of tears. Another mother has to tell me what the other boy said as ds won't tell me. The boy's mum seems completely oblivious to this or so mortified that she pretends it hasn't happened. Ds recovers and has a great party with all his other friends there (lots who are not from his school) but this other boy spent the rest of the time sulking round the side of the room.
I'm not one to get tied in knots about kids' friendships but this one seems different and I hate to use the term but 'bullying' seems to spring to mind. I never thought a boy so young would be capable of such behaviour but I can't think of any other word for it. He is extremely clever and I think he is emotionally very aware of the impact he has on others.
I can't really talk to my friend about her ds as, despite a reasonably long standing friendship ourselves, I think deep down she knows her son's behaviour and doesn't want to fully acknowledge it. She may be a friend but I don't know her well enough to discuss something so personal and it would probably put a nail in the coffin of the friendship. I only ever meet up with her now without the kids as it's just much easier.
We've got the first parents' evening coming up soon so my question, I suppose is, do I broach this with his teachers? And has anyone else had experience of this?