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3.5 year behaviour, struggling to cope!

3 replies

artemis23 · 04/10/2013 19:22

I am a single parent with a 3 and ½ year old girl. I have been a lone parent to my little girl since before she was born. We have always had a very intensely close relationship with some inevitable ups and downs. But this last year I have found particular hard. I started work last June on a part time basis and really enjoyed the adult/child balance in my life, I unfortunately had to leave the job 9 months later (march this year) due to bullying in the workplace. I found the transition back to full time mothering very difficult and have felt frustrated at being a stay at home mum on a full time basis. I feel that on some level I got a bit demotivated and perhaps a little slack about things in regards to my daughter and overtime it seems we have got to a place where she has more control over me than I over her, the last few months I have entered a very loving and supportive relationship, but having felt racked with guilt about her having to share me, I have placated her even more and somehow handed over even more control to her. She has always been very headstrong and confidant and has always had very fierce tantrums which have ebbed and flowed, mostly her tantrums are outside which I find difficult to manage, there has been occasions I have lost my temper and shouted very aggressively at her and picked her very aggressively. Recently the tantrums have been increasingly regular, mostly outside, sometimes twice a day, I know the advice is to ignore but this is very difficult when she is not safe. I attended a parenting class over the summer and most of the advice has been to focus on a positive parenting, I have always given her loads of praise and affection and we have generally done activities everyday. I feel at the moment she is pushing me to my absolute limit, she smiles if I can angry, she excessively demanding of my time, to the point if feels that however much I give her it’s never enough, no matter how many gentle warnings I give whenever we leave an activity she makes a almighty scene. I feel like I don’t want to take her anywhere anymore, but would go crazy staying in with her all day. I feel like I’m having really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings towards her and am feeling frightened by those and my ability to cope. She went to her drama group today and upon picking her up, it started – the refusal to cooperative and dropping to the floor, I completely lost my temper after two near missis of ferocious tantrums already today. I picked her up and shook her and shouted in her face (she still smiled to begin with) I was so close to hitting her, and feel very ashamed she refuses to get in her booster seat, so we can’t go home, this is also a regular event. I ve gone back to the women who runs the parenting to get some coaching and im desperately trying implement her advice and be more assertive and calm and in control etc but everyday seems so fraught that I just don’t know if I can cope…any compassionate advice or words might really help???

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MamaM76 · 04/10/2013 20:27

Aw, I really feel your pain. My dd is the same age, and my hair is turning grey. It must be super tough doing it all by yourself too. Somebody told me it is called threenager, but will get better when they turn 4. Just hang in there. When they start school at 4, you will be freed.... Also somebody told me to pick a battle wisely. Sometimes, it's not worth it.

I was wondering, doesn't she go to a nursery? That might help you have some breathing space? I am sure all day long with just two of you would be too long and tough. Anyone would be stressed with 3 years old.

It may sound easy to say, but try to control your temper. It only add oil to a fire and she will learn to copy you. Take 3 deep breaths, and just watch her throw tantrum. The first time my dd threw a mahusive tantrum I truly freaked out it felt like forever, people staring, and I thought I am never going to leave the house.
I now would just let my dd throw herself to the floor, howl, and scream. I stand back and just watch for few second with no reaction, then calmly say, "I will listen to you when you stopped crying, then we talk". It actually lasts about 30 seconds. I also left my dd on a floor and hid behind the wall and watched. I think they will soon get a message. Harder you try to fight, more they will fight back.

Also try treat or star chart for sitting on the booster nicely. I keep treats in my car, and well before we get to our car, I make sure she knows what is expected next. "now, if you sit nicely in your seat, you will get a marshmallow ". End of. That usually get her think twice before she plays up.

Whereisegg · 04/10/2013 20:41

My ds only bothered tantrumming another 2/3 times after I completely ignored him.

I explained that we had to leave/wasn't time for a biscuit just now/the tv was being turned off in 5 minutes and if those things could happen nicely we would do x after lunch/before tea/before bed.

Any meltdown and I would literally take about 5 steps backwards and watch until it was over.

We talked about how being sad or cross is ok, screaming and kicking is not.

AngryAndLost · 05/10/2013 23:05

My 3 yr 3 months old is exactly the same. It's THREEnager year, as somebody already said. She is probably is tired of you as you are of her:) Enrol her to a kindergarden for couple of afternoons a week- it made slight difference to me.

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