Aggressive 2.5 yo ds

[LittleMilla]

I'll start as everyone normally does with these threads! Ds is mostly sweet, funny, charming and kind. But he's very prone to aggressive behaviour towards us and also other children.

He doesn't like playing with others particularly and will often hit any child that attempts to play with him or with the thing he's got. Play dates are a nightmare as he constantly takes toys and hits - today he smacked another boy around the head with a wooden thing.

He gets removed from the situation when naughty and given time out where we'll talk about what he's just done and why it's unkind. I'll remove toys when necessary and for persistently bad behaviour he's taken to his room. He's then made to apologise.

It's just wearing me down (got a 10 week old) as he seems to be getting worse. I'd say attention but he loves his brother and doesn't necessarily act up only when I'm with the baby iykwim?

We get hit, pinched, bitten on a daily basis and I just cannot understand why. He can be so so lovely but then has these outbursts.

My DS (now 3.5) went through this. I think it's fairly normal (especially if any disruptions like new baby). You sound like you're doing everything right. Not very helpful advice, but I think you're just going to have to keep doing what you're doing and wait it out. It will get better.

I read a wonderful quote in a Steven Pinker book once..."the reason babies and toddlers don't kill each other is we do not give them access to guns and knives!". I believe violent behavior peaks around 2.5 years (my son is getting to be a real handful as well). You just have to socialise him out of it by doing what you are doing and being consistent every time. I am finding it rather stressful as well but I keep reminding myself that as human beings we are all hard wired to violence to some degree (just look at our past) and as parents one of our jobs is to socialise our children to control their impulses. It will pass:-).

My ten week old is like an antidote for the toddler right night. I could lamp him one sometimes (but wouldn't, don't worry ).

It's just like he's been given a cocktail of Stella and testosterone!

I am mourning my lovely little boy we used to have

Don't worry, I had the most aggressive toddler at 2.5yrs old. He has just turned 4 now and although he still has the occasional outbursts, it it limited to rare times when he is seriously provoked. He is actually more mature in his reactions to other children when they are aggressive to him, which I think is a result of being coached through how to deal with it himself.

I had just the most terrible time with him from about 18 months old - he ramped it up until about 2.5/3 after which his aggression started getting much more manageable. I became a bit of a hermit with him at the peak as playdates and softplay were too stressful. On a number of occasions, I had to literally pull him off other children whilst he was still trying to rabbit punch them. I had some dreadful comments from other parents and I totally lost my confidence in my parenting skills, even though I was doing everything that the parenting books said I should. People now comment on how mature and considerate he is for his age.

I have DD2 and I now realise how hard DS actually was at the age she is at now (nearly 2). She is a completely different character to him.

I have no advice other than to be totally consistent in your treatment of him. I sometimes 'set up' going to certain playgroups where I knew I wasn't meeting anyone, just so I could warn DS that we would go home if he hit anyone. He got one warning and then I took him home. It only took two times of me taking him home, after he'd hit someone, for him to get the message. Nursery really improved his behaviour too.

Other than that, I think you've just got to suck it up really. I've had to come to terms with the fact that Ds is just more physical and aggressive than some other children. I'm going to enrol him in a martial arts class so he can learn to channel it in a positive way. He has never had any violent incident at school btw so he clearly has an understanding of correct behaviour now and he's even got 5 tokens for 'getting along with others' since the start of term. I never thought I'd see that 2 years ago!

Oh, Ds did have slight speech delay which also may have contributed to his frustration and therefore his physical behaviour and lack of being able to express himself.

Hope all improves soon.

Thank you sponging. I can relate to the hermit thing! My main problem is that other children want to play with ds but he'd rather be alone. And when they try to interact (ok, sometimes take a toy etc) he loses it.

Frustratingly he's very well behave at nursery and seems to save it for me. In fact, they have said that he's almost passive there and rarely reacts to others swiping toys from him etc. so perhaps he's practicing restraint there?

We've yet to leave somewhere due to bad behaviour but I fear it might happen.

The worst situation by far is having ppl over. I'm tempted to just stop doing it for a while...but is that a mistake?!? I hate that he's becoming one of those children that other ppl don't want their children to play with

I am having the same problems with my 2 year old. She is lovely and cheerful most of the time, but is spontaneously violent. This morning she pushed one of her little friends off a bench. She could easily have broken her arm or similar although thankfully no permanent damage was done. I am at the end of my tether. I feel utterly desperate and like I cannot face leaving the house next week. We're consistently using firm but gentle time out, but to no avail. Will try leaving groups we go to, but that leaves me to entertain her alone! Just don't know what to do.

I never know whether my (nearly 2 year old) daughter is going to kiss me orbite me. Dangerous times....

Just read through this thread... Any chance anybody who posted about their aggressive two year olds can update me on how they turned out? Would love a little bit of light at the end of a dark tunnel! Thanks!