Trivial-sounding but increasingly horrible...child rubbing arms/ ears all the time

[TCOB]

I am at my wit's end - my skin feels like its crawling as my 3 yo DD will not stop rubbing my arms and ears. It's horrible - like having fleas crawling all over you. It was quite nice to start with a few months ago, very loving, but now it's quite disturbing. I have to wear long-sleeved clothes to stop her scratching and stroking, my arms are sore from it (ears are bearing up okay!). The first thing she does when I pick her up from preschool is touch my ears and arms. Others think it's cute and funny but actually I'm starting to find it upsetting. She reacts very badly when I try to stop her. Sitting here with my arms on fire as I've just had an extended session with her sitting on my lap trying to get her to stop. I have chronic restless legs (as does she from the look of it) but otherwise I can't think what this odd tick is about. Has anyone else heard of this? Does she need to see the doctor? Is it an underlying condition (mental/ physical?). I could cry my arms are so sore and inflamed

It's not trivial , when my son was small he would constantly fiddle with my ears ,its bloody annoying .with him it was a kind of OCD thing as he is 20 now and is incapable of not fiddling with the dogs ears ,which is equally annoying . He also does the same to my mums dogs ears when he visits . 'Leave his ears alone ' is probably the phrase I say most in a day here . Whatever you do ,do something and nip it in the bud before you end up like me !

I think you have to stop it before it goes any further - you can't be your child's comfort blanket for ever.

Yes, you will have to deal with her being upset temporarily, but at three she should be able to understand that doing something that makes mummy feel bad is not OK. Offer her an alternative - a cuddle and a kiss, something so she doesn't feel rejected by you, and then some inanimate object to take care of her need to stroke. I think the short, sharp shock approach of telling her very clearly that this is not OK and has to stop now is better than allowing it and getting more and more upset about it, which is more likely to damage your relationship.

It is probably just a habit she has developed, but it is possible that she may have some kind of sensory processing issue - is she fussy about textures of food/clothes? Does she fiddle with objects, chew her sleeves etc more than other children her age? Have a look at this and see if anything sounds familiar.

I have a friend whose eight-year-old is still all over her (climbs on her when she is trying to talk to people etc) - she now obviously finds it very, very irritating, but the habit is deeply ingrained. I cringe every time I see him doing it, and see how much she hates it, but she doesn't seem able/willing to get him to stop.

You have to just say no but give her something else to comfort her in its place I think..then ride it out as she will protest but then hopefully come round to new object to cuddle. Maybe a pillow pet?

DD did this, was obsessed with my arms! I was really worried, actually.

She stopped completely by the time she turned four.

I wouldn't think of it as any sort of disorder at this stage. She's clearly getting much needed sensory feedback from stroking your skin and. if you think about it, that's a very natural thing and the reason we do skin to skin for prem babies.

I would work on diverting her need for that comfort from you to an object which is as close as you can get. Try to find a sensory toy, cuddly toy or piece of fabric that she also enjoys stroking. Work really hard to make it the best you can find.

Once you've found it, every time she goes to stroke your skin take her hands and place them on that object while also giving her a different sort of comfort from you. This could be you rubbing her back, a hug, sitting on your lap, rocking her, whatever she enjoys.

It will take some persistence and you need to be very consistent. Giving her a more appropriate way to get the tactile feedback while still offering her physical comfort should combine to show her that she can comfort herself in other ways and take the pressure off your poor arms.

If you try this for several weeks and it doesn't improve or gets worse you could ask for a referral to an Occupational Therapist. The HV should be able to do this. The OT will be able to make other suggestions and make further referrals if they feel there is an unidentified underlying cause.

My DD2 used to twiddle hair. She got to the stage where she was bald. she would do it all the time to anyone who got close enough. When DD1 tried to escape DD2 would come up with huge handfuls of hair (DD1 was only about 3)

Eventually she took up with a doll of her own accord, and is inseperable from it, but it was more luck than management. She needs to be encouraged to find another outlet - maybe if you took her to a toyshop to find something special to stroke, and then refer her back to it when she comes towards you?

BTW DD1 used to stroke/scratch my arms, and I just used to put my other hand flat on top of her hands so she couldn't move them, and she just grew out of it.

Thank you for the responses - I am so relieved to know this is not a freaky thing. You are all dead right about the comfort thing - what I should have said as well is that these are habits she developed during the last few months of breastfeeding about a year ago, and are all bits that are easily accessible from a nursing position. I tried telling her no and it seemed to bother me more than her, I felt a rotter as I was denying her something that superficially should be so nice, but she actually took it quite well for once and was quite quickly distracted. The odd thing is that I though I'd have more fuss about the end of breastfeeding last year but it's almost as though this touching thing has been the real comfort more than the boob, and we've just displaced the fuss IYSWIM. I think knowing that others have had the same thing/ have found it irritating (hence I am not being mean) is really helpful - for which thank you!

Exexpat will check out the link. I do have in the back of my mind that it's an indicator of something else.