Separation anxiety in 7mo, how to introduce childcare...??

[emeraldgirl1]

DD has never really been happy to go to anyone but DH, it took a lot of time even to get her to sit and be cuddled by her grannies with me in the same room. Now she will just about go to my mum for half an hour but it takes effort.

(She is however v v positive about people in general, smiley and happy and interested... As long as I m holding her!!)

So, I am trying to arrange a local au pair to come in a few times a week, with the plan ultimately to have her look after DD for a few hours a time while I work (from home).

Obviously my plan is to try a transition phase with the au pair, have me around with them both at first and then move towards 15 min of them alone together... Then 30 mins... You see where it is going.

(I do fear it not working at all but am trying to stay positive!!)

Anyway, any suggestions for helping with the SA... I don't know if maybe she just got it early nd will get better faster or if she will get impossible having started out bad!!

I am always v positive and smiley whn I leave her with my mum, big wave and telling her I will be back soon...

I do the whole thing of calling to her when Ileave the room (eg to go to the loo...) so she knows I am nearby and coming back...

I could leave her with DH alone more?

Any ideas?!

And am I crazy to be trying to leave her with someone at this stage (even little by little) or should I wait for it to pass? But I do have to get work done!!!

Definitely leave her with DH, especially at bedtime, even if you just go around the block but keep well out of the way and don't go and take over.

I'm a cm & last year took on a 7.5mth old with similar sounding separation issues. Tbh the first time I held her with mum there she screamed blue murder, ditto the subsequent short visit settling-in sessions without mum. It was only once I went to longer times alone with her that she settled & then within 2 weeks of coming 2 days full a week she was happy as Larry (bar about 2 minutes at handover ). I still have her & she's a total angel but absolutely will not go to other people even my OH who she sees most days!
So, IMO get DH/granny/friends more involved so she gets used to being apart from you, but ultimately she may just need time alone with someone who can handle a stormy few weeks/months while she bonds.

I agree that until she builds a secure attachment to whoever is looking after her she's not going to accept you going easily. For some children having you around makes it better, for others it makes them nervous because they feel they should be with you. It sounds like your DD is in the latter camp.

In the latter case it defintely needs someone with lots of patience and either plenty of experience or a thick skin to build up that bond.

Routine can really help. If a child knows that they go to another person at a certain time and you come back at a certain time they don't have that added anxiety of not knowing what is coming next. If they get used to being with you but with this other person around and then you suddenly hand them over to this other person and disappear and then come back and then do it again, and then one time you hand them over straight away but the next time they can stay with you....well, you see how it gets confusing. So really you need to bite the bullet and let this au pair come in and get stuck in for short periods which then build up.