12 month old behaving badly just to mum

[helenainsworth]

My friend has a DS (and it really is a friend- i have a DH!) is struggling as her DS behaves really badly to her but not anyone else. She works 4 days a week and Ds is in nursery. She finished breastfeeding just before he turned 1. She is very strict with him and has set out clear boundaries. She is happyily married and DH is fully involved in childcare but DS does not play him up. Any ideas what it might be and how she might rectify it? She is at her wits end and considering working the extra day as she cant stand this for much longer...

can a 12 month baby really behave badly? And how are you very strict and set out clear boundaries with a baby?
Maybe she expects too much/is too harsh (that's how it come across in your post, anyway)?

Maybe you are right. Maybe she just needs to give more positive attention. Hard to tell a friend that though!

I would agree with Geek. A 12 month old is a baby and she sounds like she is expecting way too much. It's obviously about how she interacts with him....very difficult for you to talk to her about it but yes, she just needs to have realistic expectations of him, give loads of positive attention, get down on the floor and play with him, and babyproof her house so that he isn't being nagged at all day to not do this or not touch that.............

I think also she needs to accept that her life choices may in themselves have an effect on him - 4 days at nursery is a long long time to a baby (specially if they are long days) and he will be tired. He will need to make an adjustment to being with mum on the 5th day, and no doubt needs to let off a bit of steam....she needs to think of life from his point of view!

good luck with it, it's a bit delicate, isn't it!!

She does sound a bit harsh based on your post - at 12 months old he's a baby and isn't really capable of being naughty. Being strict and setting boundaries for a baby is setting herself up on a hiding to nothing really; he isn't old enough to have any understanding of what boundaries are and how to push them. He also isn't old enough to understand the correlation between his behaviour and any punishment she metes out.

I think she needs to ease up a bit - if she's getting wound up he will be picking up on it and that may explain why he behaves differently with her. He's a baby ... there's plenty of time for setting boundaries when he gets older (and can understand!). Lots of smiles and positive attention, ignoring behaviour she doesn't like and getting down to his level are probably what he needs. Having her round even less than she is at the moment won't solve anything.

thanks all. now to find a way to break your good advice....