Toddler's bad behaviour at playgroup

[nogravitarse]

DS is a twin (B/G), 2.8 months. He's a bright child and big for his age. I know they are pushing the boundaries at this stage, seeing how far they can go but his bad behaviour seems to be escalating, particularly at toddler groups. I have to watch him every single second, to stop him from pulling another child out of a ride-upon, taking their toy or just hitting them for example.

At present I take him outside onto the naughty step, make him apologise, explain that it hurts when you hit someone etc. If I threaten to take him home I always do. My problem is that he's obviously pleased to be getting attention, even it it's for something negative. I thought I gave them lots of my time (that is giving him the attention he seems to be craving) but I'm on my own most of the time and it's a struggle. He's so lovely and I can't bear the thought of letting him down by allowing him to become dislikable.

Do tell Zoogeek we can commiserate with each other.

I had the same problems with my dts at the same age.
I found it was worse at groups in small rooms with younger children, I think they got fed up being in a small room with the same old toys and embarrassingly, I think they started to feel like big fish in small ponds, and started to throw their weight around with the younger dc.
We went to groups with older children that made use of outdoor space and tried out new things as in our case I think they were getting bored.
I would just keep doing what your doing discipline wise.
Don't worry what anyone else thinks, no one has a perfectly well behaved child, and its always worse when its yours kicking off.

I just didn't go to groups and play places when my dd was going through phases like that. Not as a punishment, but because I hated it. There were a couple of friends with children who we played with regularly and could supervise/ intervene properly.

She grew out of it. They don't really need to 'socialise' as such.

That's coming up to nursery school age,isn't it? He wouldn't behave like that if he was in a similar age group,I don't think.

Yep I think that seems to be it, Possessed. I think it is boredom.. I think he's ready for the next stage but that is not for another four months. Yikes.

I might try some new ones.

Thank you for the words of encouragement.

I agree Chanel. There aren't that many boys at the group we go to and this behaviour I suppose has only really begun since September, when all the older children have moved on to nursery.

I'm just at a loss as to how to fill in the days. Bad enough the afternoons, to be honest. With no-one coming in to break the day up/take over, etc. Hope that doesn't sound too self-pitying.

No of course it doesn't.
I used to take my 2 for lots of long walks, what's your local swimming pool like ? Do you have to have 1.1 ?
Maybe just try new groups rather than cutting them out all together, do your library do rhyme time ?

I have similar issue with DS who is 3 next month - pushing, battling for toys, crying fits, public humiliation at having to find a 'naughty chair' in a random room. I actually think we all hate playgroups in our family: the noise, rough and tumble, tussle for grotty toys and ride-ons... I would sooner be out collecting acorns, scooting or maybe going round friends houses for an hour and a half max.
I think they get bored after about an hour and it's hard when you've paid in and think you should see it to the end. I just don't go anymore.
My DS goes to a lovely nursery school which takes kids from 2.4 right up to pre-school. He's been going for a few months now. Obviously there's the financial cost that doesn't suit everyone's budget but it has been an absolute life-saver for me and his little sister with all of us benefiting from time away from each other. He thrives on the structure of the nursery set-up, the close attention from staff and opportunity to do crafts and other more challenging stuff than just free play.
Is there anything like that you could go to? Or does your local authority run any 'messy play' sessions that are a bit more than just play?

There's a Surestart not too far away I could go to stuff there. I suppose posting here and your advice has helped the penny to drop that I can't keep going to the group (that I quite liked) whilst he's behaving in this way.

Did you take yours swimming on your own? I mean without any help? The two of them?

I could have 1.1 on the afternoon they go to my parents' for tea. It's just that then I wouldn't have anytime to lie comatose on the sofa do stuff.

I think that's the answer though. Stop going.

Thank you so much for your support.

Brookville that sounds perfect and it would be great for us - budget not too much of a problem - it's just the potty-training.

I'm having a bit of a nightmare with it (I've really cocked it up with DD). I thought the nursery attached to the school they will probably go to would be glad to take them early but they're quite strict about potty training.

If you could all just give me the kick up the bottom I need to begin it with him then I'm sure I could persuade them to take him early.

Is there any chance of sending him to a private nursery for a couple of mornings a week? I think you are right that he needs more stimulation and to be in an older peer group. However, if that's not possible at the moment, more outdoor play - trips to the park, especially ones with toddler climbing frames etc - are the next best thing. It is very difficult trying to keep children of this age busy and constructively occupied all day without much help or family support. I am sure you are doing your best in a very trying situation!

Our local toddler pool is really shallow and small. So yes I did there, but wouldn't be able to in a bigger deeper pool.
Don't miss out on your comatose on the sofa time, that keeps me sane

Do you think they are ready for potty training ?

Sorry, I've just said pretty much the same as Rockville! (slow typer!) Private nurseries would not insist on him being potty-trained, if this was financially viable. At this age, both you and your son would really benefit from some time apart - he would thrive in a new environment with children his own age and you would get some much needed time to recharge your batteries.

Better I tried a private nursery a couple of afternoons pw, on the basis that there are more things to do on a morning (little did I know ....) but it was such a nightmare, all the screaming, etc, and I know for a fact the Nnurse's were thinking "oh for God's sake just LEAVE" - about me - that I'm ashamed to say I caved & stopped taking them.

The answer is to get the little beggars going to the loo then I'll be able to get them into the nursery at school. Ahh life will be so easy then. Ahem.

Possessed yep I really need that sofa time. I suppose I could try swimming on my own. Things are usually worse in your imagination, right?

You've all been luffly. Thank you. x

Possessed I'm so nervous now about the potty training. What happened with my DD was that she seemed ready 5 months ago. Was trained in the house but I resorted to pull-ups when we went out because I was changing her approximately 3 to 4 times when we were out

Then we went on holiday and didn't take a potty (in my defence I was persuaded not to by OH). She regressed and stopped using the potty altogether for a while. Now we are back to: okay in the house, pull -ups when we're out.

With DS I haven't begun at all yet and am scared to because I've messed it up with DD.

Now I've answered the problem about toddler group I should really start a separate thread so that I can bore the life out of everyone about my potty-training problems.

Dd would go to groups and play nicely. DS was a whirlwind. I stopped going. Went out to the park let him run around, met up with other parents there.

If it helps he's three now and I can take him anywhere.

I doubt you have cocked it up with your dd, don't be so hard on yourself.
Things like that don't often pan out the way you intended, it will happen - just not the way you planned.
Swimming with 2 isn't all that hard, just take plenty of chocolate snacks to bribe them keep them occupied while you get dressed.
No doubt you will have to do the walk of shame, when one or both kick off when they don't want to get out
I potty trained my 2 together just after their 3rd birthday. It was much worse in my imagination then in rl.