Olympic-level whining

[stopgap]

I'm a SAHM to a 2.1-year-old boy (aside from two afternoons, when he's with a babysitter and I do a little freelance work) and I am struggling to deal with his constant whining and clinging when we are out and about. He is marginally better in the home environment, but only because he naturally gets more attention from me.

He has always been a high-needs child (worn constantly as a baby due to silent reflux) and he still requires a lot of hugs and reassurance.

My main issue is play dates with friends. I've just returned from a trip to the park, where he wandered off for about ten seconds at a time, and then came back with a whining wail and random demands ("Basketball!" "Daddy!") while the other kids his age dug in the sand or occasionally checked in, but did not cling, whine, tug at clothing the whole time. All he wants is my attention, and he'll do anything to get it if I dare talk to other people.

Part of the problem, I think, is that I am so available to him while at home. We read lots, play hide and seek etc. When I'm gone, he's absolutely fine.

Any tips? I've alternately tried ignoring the whining, told him it hurts my ears, asked that he uses words etc. but nothing seems to be working.

When I'm gone, he's absolutely fine.

Makes me think more nursery, less playdates.
sorry, but to warn you, gets worse at 3!

They only have a handful of nurseries where we are (NYC) and waiting lists of over a year. Everyone has nannies or babysitters. He was too young for preschool this time, too, as they require kids to be 2.4 by September.

Good to know it gets worse at three (baby number two is due in four months, too---aarrrgh!).

Ah.
um, if you can afford to live in NYC, could you afford an Au Pair or mother's help?

I should also add that he had his first MMR two weeks ago, and while he's had no obvious symptoms in terms of rashes or fevers, he does get incredibly grouchy and unsettled after a vaccine (we've gone one by one since babyhood, as his reflux was so severe).

Children very often do not get the hang of playing together until they are at least 3. This is why nursery used to start at 3. Some won't respond well to others until 4. My DD was clingy and whiny at 2 but not at 3.5. Mine went to nursery at 2 and she gradually improved. You may just have to grin and bear it. Does he have to wait another year for per school? January intake?

I don't know how good your son's speech is but have you tried showing him how to say it in a 'gentle / normal voice' and when he shows you he can, then you never respond to whiny voices again? You could say (when he whines for something) 'Sorry I don't understand, can you say it in a normal voice?'. My DS is 2.10 and I've been working at this for a while. It's a slog and his speech is poor but it is getting better. If he whines across the room, I just ignore it. He has to come to me if he wants something. Even my DD2 (20m) can alter her voice from a whine to relatively acceptable when she's prompted to do so!

His speech isn't great (two- or sometimes three-word sentences) and he's quite unclear with many words, but it is improving. There's no January intake for preschool, and he is very sociable when he wants to be, as long as he is at least some of the focus.

The problem comes when I want to have an adult conversation with someone, and I'm the lone adult on "his side". When we have friends over at the weekend, for instanceand if, say, my husband is there, plus my mother-in-lawhe can be the life and soul of the party, and tries to make everyone laugh, adult and child.