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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

refusal to poo in the toilet

15 replies

catus · 01/10/2013 10:04

Hi,

My DS, 3 yo, doesn't want to poo in the toilet. No problems with wee.
He has been toilet trained for wees since last spring but he has never pooed in the toilet or potty.
When he wants to poo, he asks for a nappy.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to pressurise him and make him feel bad, but I really want the problem to be resolved.

Does anyone have any suggestion? Is this a regular occurrence in children that age?

Thanks.

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mawbroon · 01/10/2013 10:15

Mine is like this too. He is 3.7yo and only came out of nappies in the summer.

I have introduced him to Poo goes to Pooland which has interested him enough to try sitting on the toilet for a poo. He hasn't done one yet, but previously, he wouldn't even entertain sitting on the toilet for a poo, so it's progress at least.

He was the same about doing a pee on the potty and once he'd done it for the first time, he was fine about it. I think he will be the same about pooing.

YoniBottsBumgina · 01/10/2013 10:20

DS did this. Just let him use the nappy and don't make a big deal of it. Suggest using toilet/potty at random times noncommitally. One day they will surprise you and just say yes.

(Promise of some kind of reward when he does finally poo in the toilet/potty may help too :))

He is nearly 5 now and still nervous of pooing in unfamiliar toilets, but no issues with going at home any more.

beela · 01/10/2013 13:47

My DS is the same, he has been dry day and night since 2.5, but still wants a nappy for poos (he's 3 next wk). He occasionally does a poo in the toilet and always seems thrilled, but not enough to want to do it again

Poo goes to Pooland just meant that he wants us to empty his nappy down the loo.

bruffin · 01/10/2013 13:50

Christopher Green covers this in Toddler Taming. Its something to do with them thinking that they are actually losing part of their body

Original poster

catus · 01/10/2013 14:16

Thanks for the replies. It is reassuring to know he is not alone. I wil probably continue with gentle encouragements...

OP posts:

ToysRLuv · 01/10/2013 15:57

DS did this for a couple of months. I felt exactly as you do. At first he couldn't even be bribed to try the potty. Later he was more willing to be bribed - I guess he just was ready (a toy he really wanted that he could play with for an hour after having a poo- he was gifted the toy after a week's worth of poos in the toilet, after that he got a little bit of chocolate and now he gets a very small wholegrain alphabet biscuit). So, every time he needs a poo I would ask him whether he would like to try the potty and get a present or go in a nappy. Make it sound like you're completely happy for him to do either. Ease off the pressure. Maybe try the potty first as DC are more likely to feel secure and relaxed on them, and the "void" under their bums is not quite so airy and huge. Also, you don't get splashed, which could put some DC off pooing in the toilet. One day he will say yes and it will totally surprise you

YoniBottsBumgina · 01/10/2013 16:30

I can't remember how old DS was when he started pooing on the toilet, but it was a good few months of using nappies for poo. I remember he started nursery in the January after he turned 3 and he only just toilet trained around Christmas.

ConstantCraving · 01/10/2013 18:53

Just want to join you to say my DD is 3.11 and still poos in a pull up. She has issues with constipation and is on movicol so I haven't pushed her too much. She has always said she is 'too little' and will use the loo for poss when she is 4 - which is now just 3 weeks away!! Have tried 'pooland' and bribery rewards with no success so will watch on here for any ideas.

ConstantCraving · 01/10/2013 18:54

Poos - not poss

nextphase · 01/10/2013 19:00

Can you put a nappy on, and then sit him on the potty/toilet, so the location becomes normal?

In some ways I wish DS2 would ask for a nappy fed up of poo crusted trousers coming bagged back from nursery but he's younger than yours.

mikkii · 01/10/2013 19:08

One issue might be position. I now that prior to toilet training her DD2 would stand, knees slightly bent, bottom out a bit to poo.

I have heard previously of people getting the child to start by wearing a nappy sitting on the potty to get used to the position, but still in their comfort zone. Then progressing to an open nappy placed inside the potty then tissue in the potty.

The comment regarding splash back could also be relevant. DH hates this and always puts paper into the toilet prior to his ablutions!

ToysRLuv · 01/10/2013 21:18

Yes, try to take it in stages with gentle encouragement, but do not push at all - that would just make the anxiety worse. First is pooing in the bathroom/toilet. Then pooing standing next to potty with nappy. Then sitting on potty with nappy. Then nappy a bit open, then laid in the potty, then just tissue, etc..

We never got further than just pooing in the bathroom/toilet stage- then ds decided skip over all the other steps for his toy aeroplane.

I still have to get him to use the toilet rather than the potty, but as he is on the short side and scared of being perched up high on the toilet seat, I think I will leave it a bit longer and then see..

Original poster

catus · 01/10/2013 22:12

Thanks again everyone!
I think doing it gradually, first in a nappy in the bathroom, then in a nappy on the toilet, etc, is worth a try. Combined with bribes, it could work.
Also, the pooing standing up as opposed to sitting down is quite a big change for him. It seems obvious now, but I hadn't thought about that. So thank you!

Time will tell!

OP posts:

beela · 02/10/2013 12:31

Pooing in nappy in bathroom is a good idea.

Position is tricky for us - DS puts his hands on the floor and his bottom in the air when he is pooing... no idea how we are going to persuade him that gravity is his friend in this instance!

gourd · 02/10/2013 13:10

Think it's just a new thing that kids can take some time to get used to. Our did just the same for nearly two months after toilet training was sucessful for wees. Our LO just pooed in knickers every time for a while then it went to 50/50 in toilet then evetually to 100%. Just dont make a fuss when it's not in the toilet but tell them the toilet is the best place so can you use the toilet next time.. Then give lots and lots of praise whenever it does go in there!

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