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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10 year old son is out of control

8 replies

vivika · 01/10/2013 08:50

Hi there,
I have a 10 year old son and I am at the end of my tether. He has had a rather difficult start to life as he was abused by his father at a very young age and I had numerous court battles with him. I got married but that ended in divorce as my husband was having an affair with my best friend and he wasn't nice to my son also. These days I am happily married with 2 moee children. My son coped well with all of this and calls my new husband daddy and he adores his little brother and sister. The problen is that he lies and steals. He has been in trouble with the police for taking a friends rings, and when asked where they were he just says he doesn't know. He gets fixated with things and one of them has been war. Yesterday we got a call from the school that he has been drawing nazi swastikas on the tables and refusing to do his work. He has also bullied children to such a point he has taked a knife into school to scare one boy. Most days are a trial atm . But he is also incredibly intelligent and lovely ro be around...... its just he does these things and no punishment works. We have tried EVERYTHING! If anyone has any suggestions, please tell me xx thank you xx

OP posts:

cory · 01/10/2013 08:57

Is he having any kind of counselling or support? It does sound as if he needs help and can't just be punished out of this.

Confuseddd · 01/10/2013 08:58

Sorry things are difficult at the moment. I don't have direct experience but I did have poor self esteem as a child and did some of the things you're son is doing - stealing, graffiti. People bully others because they feel insignificant. He needs positive attention from you and others as right now he is getting attention by behaving in naughty ways.

Can you spend time with him doing something you both enjoy? Leave the other dcs with dad? Sign him up for an extra curricular activity that reflects his talents where he can gain a sense of achievement?

What is the atmosphere like at home?

Confuseddd · 01/10/2013 08:59

Agree with cory. Seek a referral for play therapy or similar?

Original poster

vivika · 01/10/2013 09:11

Thank you for your input. We have tried counselling but we get told there is no need as he is a normal boy, we have tried to see if there is any SEN but apparently there isnt, we have also tried every hobby style activity there is but he spoils it by disrupting the class and being asked to leave. The atmosphere at home us peaceful. My husband and I are both swlf employed so we are always there dor the children.

OP posts:

Original poster

vivika · 01/10/2013 09:15

We all do yoga and meditation, eat good whole foods as I know that bad foods can effect moods, although he does get treats and we don't let him watch too much tv and he hardly goes on xbox, so there is no need to limit these things.

OP posts:

HisLommel · 01/10/2013 09:18

Who told you there was no need for counselling? The counsellor? I'd get a second opinion. As another poster said, he needs support rather than punishment...

Original poster

vivika · 01/10/2013 09:20

The councellers, there have been 2 and the gp.

OP posts:

tiktok · 01/10/2013 10:31

Counselling is only one of many options.

Try CAMHS in your area - some places take self-referrals, or you could get the school to refer.

Poor kid :(

Abuse in the early years has a profound effect on children - it's great he has a stable, loving family now, but it's not at all surprising it's not enough.

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