love bombing... 15 minutes in and I give up

[ILetHimKeep20Quid]

7 yr old ds.

I read the book on love bombing, right it would be really beneficial. Ear marked today to give it a go. He's got out of bed moaning, refused every suggestion and attached conditions to the rest. For example, I asked if he wanted to go out for breakfast. Only if I get him a toy when we're there.

He's glued to cartoon network and given free reign that'll be the same all day.

Then my advice is to stop threatening and just keep to the job in hand.

If you need him to stop playing xbox or whatever, because it's time for dinner, actually say 'in ten minutes we are having dinner. You will have to stop doing ... then' give him a clock/timer and let him know what ten minutes time looks like and again tell him this is when he has to stop.

If you then tell him x,y and z will happen, and it doesn't then he has no reason to believe you. If you up the severity of the threats, he could panic about what you really mean and that is where his shouting etc will come in

Forgot to say. DS was pretty challenging for some chunks of the lovebombing weekend we did - eg didn't touch his dinner that he chose on the first night.

But I think this is part of the readjustment you need to happen in your relationship. And the important thing is that DS is getting the message that you love him, no matter what.

Have you tried just saying yes to him, unless it's an actual danger or you can't afford it? It's a huge challenge to start with, but that's the experience that you're trying to have together.

That is lovely- he's being sweet now. Do you know what turned everything around? Was it you taking yourself off for a bit that made him disengage from the power struggle?

I think so.

Then maybe try giving yourself a timeout when he starts doing things to annoy you. Lavish attention on him in a very low key way (not buying things or doing special trips, which seem to make him demand more and more, but things like reading out loud, playing games, watching a favourite film together, cooking together, etc). I would eliminate sources of negotiation and argument, such as screens and junk food. I would keep talking to school about social problems, and try to help him as much as you can with his dyslexia, so he can gain confidence academically.

I am saying this is what I would do, but I know that all of these things can be difficult, and I would have numerous failures along the way. These are just the things which come into my head after reading your posts-

Still no screens. He's done more craft and played with his brother. And been put playing lots. Dh finishing early so die home soon and were going to do something.

I think I put high expectations on myself as well.

Well done ILet, that sounds much more positive.

It doesn't sound like you're ready to do the lovebombing just yet. You do need to plan it, and find a time when you can give the individual DC your undivided attention (it sounds like his brother has been there all along?).

Good luck getting to a happier footing. It can be tough, but so worth it.

Yeah I'm going to struggle to get complete one to one time with him.

That's tough, ILet, and of course none of us approach Lovebombing in the first place if we aren't completely exhausted with trying everything else and the sheer battle that everyday life feels like.

Could DP take a couple of days off work so that you could focus on DS? I know leave will be precious, but sounds like this is desperate times.

Thanks for all the supportive advice.

Decided that a weekend or night just isn't going to be possible for some time so worked out little sessions. 30 minutes after his brother goes to bed, before his bed time are now known as Super Mummy Time. His name!

We've always used this time for bedtime stories etc but now it's super concentrated on him and what we also is his choice. Which is why I watched 20 minutes if minecraft videos explaining the different types of tnt available last night. The night before was in bed reading beanos! But it's just us, we're cuddled up, I'm swamping him with cuddles and kisses, tucking him I to bed and telling him I love him lots.

Fingers crossed!

I think quality one on one is imporant for boys, it should have a positive effect for both of you :)

Well done ILet, that sounds like really positive progress .