7 yr old DD's attitude!!

[peppajay]

My 7 yr olds behavior at the moment is just shocking. Her attitude and behavior are terrible. she talks to me and my hubby with such disrespect all the time she refuses to ever do as she is told. Everyrthing is a constant battle and she doesn't talk she shouts. She refuses to do simple things like clean her teeth or wash her face and then shouts that she will hit us if we make her do it. My Ds is so compliant he nearly always does as he is told and is always such a happy boy and she picks up on this and the fact we never get cross with him but he always does as we ask and at 5 he gets dressed for school and cleans his teeth and face without any fuss. I am a bit worried because she is a carbon copy of me at this age and my son is just like my brother and I grew up thinking my parents loved my bro more than me because he never got told off.

She doesn't have any electronic gadgets and doesn't have any particular favourite toys so is very difficult to find something to discipline her with. Tonight she was so looking forward to phoning my mum as she has just got back from holiday that I have taken that priviledge away from her and she has now gone off to school kicking and screaming.

I am just at the end of my tether of what I can do to get her to talk nicely and stop using attitude all the time!! Any ideas

You have my dd!
Until you've had a child like this then no-one can understand. I have 4dc and dd1 is the only one with this temperament. I felt exactly like you. I then changed my way of thinking and dealing with her (which was very difficult mind!). She's now 14 and is lovely. Not perfect, still has her ways, but I never would have believed she could grow into something so lovely
My advice is to set realistic boundaries. If there's really nothing to take away from her, then just remove her completely from the room for 10 minutes. Work out what really matters in her behaviour/attitude. In the grand scheme of things, does that particular thing really matter? I found I was having battles over things that actually didn't matter. Also, try to realise that this is who she is, you can't change her. All you can do is expect her to live within your boundaries, just as your ds has to. Always tell her you love her, just the same as you tell your ds. Don't let there be any difference that way.

Perhaps instead of thinking of ways to discipline her by taking things away, try to come up with some positive reinforcement, stickers and rewards etc. Most of us respond better to the prospect of gaining something than we do to the possibility of losing something.

My dd1 is exactly like this! To the point I wonder if she has picked up my pnd (better now). She seems to be getting worse, it used to only be at home she was line this, but now it is spilling into school too. I have cut out all after school clubs as she is so tired. And am trying to ignore everything that doesn't involve her being aggressive towards dd2 and ds. Spending time 1:1 with her helps. I am hoping it us a phase! Also her having a special book about space and s
Watching thread with interest for advice.

Sorry, posted too quick! Meant to say-
Her having a special book about space and quiet activities that are just 'hers' in her bedroom that we keep in a chill out box that she has when she is sent upstairs. So she can calm down and come back downstairs when she us calm and ready to be nice.

Been there, done that - does she watch Disney channel? If so, first thing to do is ban it. Have you heard how the "kids" talk to adults on it???

Our kid was the same re: no fave toy etc, but the one thing she really hated was being removed from the room. So that's what happened - if she couldn't talk nicely, she didn't get to stay with people. And we didn't argue or shout - the minute we felt it heading that way, she was removed from the situation. When she saw we weren't going to stress out or give her attention it helped her calm down. Even if it means late for school - she can tell teacher it's because she wouldn't wash/brush teeth.

Then the one that really seemed to do the trick was, "I can't hear the words you're saying, all I can hear is attitude. You may actually have a point, but I wouldn't know because of how you're speaking. Do you want to try that again?" Or, "I can't hear what you're saying - only whining/shouting. You might want to try again in a normal voice." Again, very calmly (took me in particular a while to realise I needed to stay calm, stressing out wasn't helping anything except make her worse, staying calm diffused the situation.)

Consistency was the key and it was hard. At 12 she's not too bad at all now. We still occasionally send her out the room until she's ready to be civilised and we still use, "all I can hear is attitude, do you want to try again?" Good luck!

I love that "all I can hear is attitude" I'm going to try that with my 13 yo DS!

marking place, you could be describing my DD

Agree with banning disney channel and nickolodeon. It's very appealing to that age group but the 'attitude' on there is frankly, disgusting.