Toddler behaviour - Unsure what is 'normal'?

[cantthinkofabloodyname]

DS3 is 3 next month & I was wondering if some of his behaviour is normal.
A bit of background... DS1 is severely disabled & DS2 has his own set of disabilities, so to have a 'normal' toddler is very unfamiliar for us.

DS3, as with all of my boys was born prematurely but he was only 4.5 weeks early & low birthweight. He has always tried to eat things that are not food, ie. books, wooden blocks (actually biting lumps off them & swallowing). The thing that is concerning me is that he has never made eye contact & will try to look away as much as possible even if you gently hold his head so he can look at us when we are talking to him. If we ask him to look at us he will just repeat what we have said & still won't look at us.

He is quite a bright lad & very cheeky too. We haven't seen a health visitor in quite a long time as they are quite useless around our area.

Any replies would be welcomed.

I've got different but similar concerns about my 3yo. The HV wasn't any help tbh, but the GP was great. I'd suggest bypassing the HV and make an appointment with the GP. Perhaps asking your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.
I'm no expert but from my incessant googling about my own DS whilst waiting for the referral, eye contact and pica (eating non-food items) seem to be significant. It might be nothing though, and I really hope it's not - sounds like you have enough on your plate. But I know that early intervention can be very important, so would be worth investigating just in case.

Thanks for your reply. I think it may be the time to get my head out of the sand. DS1 has a diagnosis of autism & we suspect that DS2 has autistic traits too.

Sucking bricks would be considered normal but biting pieces off not so much.

I wouldn't expect a NT child to resist eye contact unless they were uncomfortable with what is being said to them, e.g. telling off.

I have been through the diagnostic process twice so far and wouldn't be thrilled about doing it all again with a third child so I can completely understand your hesitation.

I reassured myself that DD2 was different from her sister for some time but later realised that she had very similar difficulties, if not worse, but just a different presentation. It was hard to accept.

Ask for a referral and go with an assessment if they want to do one. You can then take this time to process your own thoughts about the possibility of having three children on the spectrum.

I hope your concerns turn out to be unfounded