HELP - baby hysterical when put down to sleep

[Mumtoason]

Hi, sorry for long post - i hope you have the time to read and help?

my LO is 14 weeks old. I am trying AGAIN to put him down awake but sleepy to begin the process of self settling. I was doing this at 11-12 weeks and after an ok start things went really badly and he became hysterical at bedtimes and the high pitched angry like screams would go on and on and on. It might as well have been CIO! At least I felt horrific for letting him cry even tho I was right next to him! I thought he might have been too young so stopped and he has been sleeping on me on the sofa since for naps and bedtime.

I tried again tonight, after 20 mins of fussing and crying and holding the dummy in he went to sleep! Less than half hour later he woke, so I went to soothe him with sssshhhing and patting, but he wouldn't be settled and after 5mins of reassurance 'he went for it' until after ten minutes of high pitched screaming (and i mean hysterical screaming) and banging and clawing on the mattress I gave up and held him. He looked awful

We have a bedtime routine of bath massage bottle bed and he doesn't go longer than 2 hrs since his last nap before going to bed.

What am I doing wrong? Why is he sooo angry/upset after sleeping or being put down originally?

When he falls asleep on me I carry him up put him down in his co sleeping crib and settle him in the night just by popping his dummy in. He goes from. 7-5:30 without a feed and drops back off to sleep after feeds in the night!

Will be so grateful for any advice! I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, like I'm making loads of mistakes and at worst like I may be damaging him in someway allowing him to get so worked up.

Thanks

It sounds as if he sleeps like a dream at nights - maybe he just isn't ready to self settle yet?

I would really leave it if you can.

Babies change fast and though it might feel like it, this stage doesn't last forever. If it helps to know, dd fed to sleep (was breastfed), had most of her naps in a sling, we co-slept for several months... She learned to self-settle by herself at about 11 months I think, and now as a 2 year old sleeps really well and is happy going to bed. i wish I hadn't stressed so much about it in the early months.
Go easy on yourself and do whatever works for now - my friend swore by a book called the 'no cry sleep solution' and she had a good sleeper in the end too, might be worth a look?

If he stays asleep after falling asleep on you, then I would let him do hat for the time being. The main issue with comforting/feeding to sleep is that some babies then can't settle themselves when they wake slightly during their natural sleep rhythms and end up waking frequently throughout the night. 7-5.30 is really good at 14 months. As DIY says, babies change fast so for now I'd just enjoy the cuddles.

I should say that he does wake between 7-5:30 a number of times, but if I find the dummy and put it back in he won't cry out. This is easy as I have a co sleeping crib. But he stirs at about 1am, 2:30, 3:30 and then 5:30 and I feed him at anytime following 5am because I think that is a v long time for 14 weeks. At 5:30 following a feed I can put him back down.
Thanks for your posts, I just feel a bit glued to the sofa and it is getting more difficult to settle him a bedtime even on me! He will fuss and cry even on me at times.

he is WAY too young to self settle

7-5.30 to long to go without a feed as well, he is too little for this

The one thing I wish I'd known was to stress less about self-settling. The books imply you'll rib your baby of you don't sleep train.

Honestly? Your 14w old is to young. Mine was too young at 4.5 months, it (ferber) was a nightmare. HV suggested waiting until he's older, so at 7.5 months we tried again with more success (and I should add he used to sleep no longer than 3 hours ever, and that would be only the first block of sleep. It was 1-2 hourly wake ups thereafter. some nights he slept no more than 50 minutes a time! - so we really needed him to sleep).
pick up put down method worked a bit better at 7.5 months, he would sleep through from 8pm until 4 or 5, so he was definitely more ready at that age.
Bedtimes always involved crying, though. Always.
Then at 11 months he just got it - was able to put his head down and go to sleep, no feeding, no shushing, no rocking. Some nights we still get tears, but that trends to be teething or illness.

Honestly, don't try to do this too soon, you make it so much harder on yourselves.
I know you want sleep more than anything, but if you can struggle through this, it does get easier. I got by on 7 hours of sleep in 40 minute blocks for months on end (he was a bottle refuser, and needed nursing to sleep).

Rib your baby should have been 'ruin your baby'.

Don't worry too much about the self settling thing. Nothing is set in stone now.

He is very very tiny. He screams because he thinks you might possibly be leaving him forever. He's not old enough to understand any better. It's natural.

IME they are worried about separation in this way until they are at least 2.5 ish years old,at which point they are mature enough cognitively to deal with it.

My son is nearly two. From about 15 mths old he has been fine settling himself to sleep (provided he is tired enough to drop off quite quickly). But if he wakes in the night he is terrified. I have to sit with him with my hand on his back while he shouts. Eventually he calms down and drops off, and he's known that I've been there with him the whole time. Sometimes he won't settle for anything less than coming in bed with me.

He will grow out of it when he is ready. My DD is four and no problems with her (we took the same approach with sleeping with her).

OP

I can't link but check out Priscilla Dunstan baby language on the Oprah show on YouTube.