Is this bullying?

[NellysKnickers]

Ds1's best friend had written him a note. The first paragraph apologises for being mean last week. It then goes on saying there will be trouble if ds1 doesn't give him a certain football card and one of his tennis balls. I questioned DS1, he says friend us sometimes mean but they do have fun together.

Yesterday friend was teasing ds and pushed him over, but ds told teacher and friend got time out.

Last term ds1 paid friend £1 out of his dinner money to still be his friend. I have explained this isn't how friendship works. He has another good friend but unfortunately they no longer to to the same school, he is a little treasure and nothing like this other one.

Do I just leave it and let ds decide for himself? They are 8.

Sounds dodgy to me. I remember this type of minor blackmail from school - it troubled me even then. I think I would issue no edicts, but would try to ardently disuade ds from continuing this friendship. I've never had an eight year old, though, so don't know if this would work.

He's adamant this boy is his friend. We moved at the end of year one, leaving a fantastic group of boys. He struggled to find a special friend at his new school as they already had formed tight friendships. This boy joined as a newbie partway through year 3 and ds1 was so happy to have a new best friend at school. He has got other friends but insists this lad is his best friend. He has friends on his sports team too so isn't a loner. I just feel sad for him as he's just so sweet and keen to please.

We transferred to a completely new area when DS had just begun school. I under-estimated how tight knit established friendship groups were even at 5, arriving long after nursery and pre-school.Everyone seemed paired up, when I mentioned it to his teacher, she said not to worry boys unlike girls seem not to stick with just one mate but run about in a crowd.

I think the fact DS stuck up for himself and 'told on' the boy is significant. He must have judged being pushed around was beyond what he thinks is tolerable. So perhaps there is no need to worry!

Your DS has an advantage imo by being sporty. In time he'll form allegiances with team members. It may be ill advised to overtly discourage friendship with the new boy. Keep that boy 'on-side' as it were, their paths may cross over future years if you stay in the neighbourhood following primary school. They may end up good friends later on but equally I wouldn't be surprised if, when another new face arrives, this other boy edges DS out of the new boy's zone.

Encourage DS to keep up sports and activities, get to know team mates. With any luck the other boy will fall by the wayside as DS gains in confidence.