My 3 1/2 YO Boy Keeps Pushing Other Kids At Nursery

[TwistedBoycey]

Hi all,

Need some advice as we're at our wits end. Our son has just started nursery 5 afternoons a week and nearly everyday when we pick him up, the teacher tells us that he has been pushing other children again. They deal with there by taking him out of the situation and giving him a time out but he'll do it again and again.

At home he is the most loving, sweet little boy you could imagine. Of course, he has his moments too like any other kid his age. One problem is that he is behind with his speech by maybes 9 months. He has only just started to speak in sentences and is currently having therapy for this. He can communicate with adults to a degree but doesn't try with other kids. I'm presuming that's why he lashes out so much because of the frustration. It's having a major effect on his social skills and life - other kids now keep away from him and I'm terrified of him becoming a recluse. I know he's only 3 1/2 YO but the other parents aren't as understanding.

We have just had another baby 16 weeks ago and maybe he feels like he's not special any more but we both try even harder to make him feel that he is.

Any ideas?? We have tried reward for good days and taking things away for the not so good days. He just doesn't seem to understand that his actions have consequences. The teacher says that it's something that he has to work through but you can tell she's not impressed especially as he's the only one in his class that is doing it.

I think that the consequence has to be instant, right after he has pushed (or not). WOuld you be able to schedule a meeting with his teacher and figure out a plan? He could have a reward chart/card or whatever he fancies, based on a designed that you think he'd like (I don't know, the Octonauts, or Thomas or whatever). He'd get a stamp every hour that he doesn't push, and doesn't get a stamp if he pushes. If he has 6 stamps for the day he gets a special extra TV time, a cake, another book at bedtime, whatever. But the school should be working with you, in a team. It does happen and it's a phase. Was he a pushy child before he started school, in socia situations? Does he get frustrated at home because of his speech? Also has he seen a speech and language therapist? Has the school mentioned anything to you?

You have to tell him what he should do instead. This works very well with my ds. You have to repeat the message but it has helped and my ds rarely causes trouble. So for example after a hitting incident, ask him what he did and why. Then say next time, walk away or say no thank you or tell a teacher. My ds has just started doing it with his sister (ie if something doesn't go his way, he will say "no thank you" to her!)