I need a manual. Book recommendations please!

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

I need to improve my skills as a mum. I'm to fixated on the end goal and not enough on enjoying getting there. I plan things as if I were at work I think still. X y z will equal the task (eg getting dressed) done. Focus is getting out the door, anything that sort of doesn't help finish that goal I seem to get very stressed over and end up shouty and frankly I imagine rather scary.

I need to alter. I need honestly to understand kids. Mine is 2.5. And I have a baby and I have realised that we can't go on doing what I'm doing.

I'm not a natural I feel sadly. I need to be lighter and more fun. I feel tense stressed and shouty and I hate it.

So, which books should I read? Which buy? For understanding kids and also maybe anger management? (Embarrassing but hoping someone has a thought on this.)

Thank you

I found a toddlercalm course useful in helping me understand my DC's view of the world. And I'm currently working through the classic book 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'

Can't help on anger management books, but one technique is to put yourself in timeout if you feel yourself beginning to boil. Come back when you're feeling calmer.

There is also a book 'playful parenting' which is supposed to be very good.

There is an ebook on 'simply babies' which will offer hope.

'Calmer Easier Happier Parenting' is excellent and sounds very relevant to what you want. 'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk' is also great for understanding how your kids think and how you can give them what they need. I'm not normally a self-help book reader but found myself struggling a few months ago with similar issues to what you describe. I needed a whole lot more patience and the ability to not get so stressed out that I would practically combust! I definitely learned some strategies which helped me from both of those books, and I haven't actually finished either of them yet!

Thank you all. I'm either treating her to old - like a peer almost or too young and babying her when she's striving for independence. Either way we end up fighting. It's very demoralising as I'm an adult, I must be able to do this! Ugh. Got harder last few weeks and I'm suddenly realising baby is growing up too. When she's 1 and this ones 3, well, I can't see it improving less I change me or understand them better.