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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I am so upset and don't know what to do - my 3yr old hurt another child at nursery.

19 replies

BruthasTortoise · 18/09/2013 22:08

My 3.2 yr old DS has just starts nursery. He was fine for the first two weeks, then yesterday he nipped another child and today he bit one. I am mortified and so upset. He has NEVER bit anyone before and has only ever nipped his big brother once 6 months ago. He has speech delay and is being assessed for hearing difficulties at present but what to I do about nursery? Do I take him back tomorrow? My HV and the paedetrician told me that nursery will be the best thing to bring on his speech but I can't bear the thought of him hurting other children and being disliked or the other kids being scared of him. Honestly he's so affectionate at home, a real sweetheart, I don't know what this has happened

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/09/2013 22:13

First off, calm down. This is the kind of thing children do. DS is two and we've twice had to sign the form of shame when he's bit another child. You should definitely take him back tomorrow. What did nursery do when he hurt the other child? And what did they suggest about going back?

Theincidental · 18/09/2013 22:15

It will be fine! Please take him back. My 2.5 Ds sometimes does this out of over-excitement. It's possibly just accidental.

Should point out Ds has had a few knocks and bumps from other children too and none if them are the worse for it.

As long as the nursery handled it firmly and well, it's not a cause for concern.

Original poster

BruthasTortoise · 18/09/2013 22:20

They nursery have said to bring him back, that they're more than willing to work with him and that this year is incredibly important as he starts school next September. But I'm worried, I'm not sure what I can do to make sure he doesn't behave like this at nursery if he's not showing the same behaviours at home. I talked to him about it but because of his speech delay it can be difficult to auge his level of understanding.

OP posts:

cookielove · 18/09/2013 22:24

Please please please do not worry about this, not only will the nursery have seen it before they will have excellant stratergies in place to help your child.

It can be tough for new little ones joining nursery, learning new social boundaries, he will quickly learn what I like to call the 'rules of the playground'

Don't worry about the other children. I've seen lots ofchildren

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/09/2013 22:25

Nursery said to bring him back because it is normal and they are used to it. Seriously, stop panicking.

cookielove · 18/09/2013 22:28

Phone died.

Sorry

Lots of children with speech delay. Who have wonderful
Friendships with their peers.

BigFatCushion · 18/09/2013 22:28

As the mum of a reformed biter I can really sympathise. It came as quick as it went. It appeared to be a frustration release. My childminder was excellent.

I think it's really emotive, but try and see it a a behaviour rather than a label of your child. Like being unable to tie shoelaces... A developmental issue which won't be going on long.

BigFatCushion · 18/09/2013 22:29

I don't think I meant issue - I meant stage.

Oblomov · 18/09/2013 22:49

Please don't worry.
Please don't make this a drama. It happens all the time.
Both ds1 and ds2 were bitten, atleast twice.
It happens.

Tell him NO, firmly. Take him back and let them, with all their years of experience , deal with this.

PoppyWearer · 18/09/2013 22:53

Just to echo what others have said, my DCs have both been bitten at nursery and it's just one of those things.

Fairylea · 18/09/2013 22:55

please don't worry about this.

when my dd was about 2.5 I arrived to pick her up from nursery to find her very red in the face and her hair all wild... turns out she had decided she wanted to sit on a chair another little girl had. She pulled the girl off the chair, it all went a bit Jeremy Kyle and end result dd bit the other little girl.

Of course I was livid and embarrassed. And I apologised to the other mother and her dd.

But dd never ever did anything like that again. We still cringe and laugh about it now... she is coming up to 11 years old now. Unfortunately it's the sort of things kids do. Don't overthink it..

ChipAndSpud · 18/09/2013 22:57

Honestly you're worrying much :) I'm not saying biting is okay, but it's quite normal! DS has bitten three children now, only one at nursery luckily! It's not nice, but you have to just say no biting and remove them away from the other child and tell them to say sorry (DS only has a few words so doesn't say sorry, but I say it to him eg "no biting, you mustn't bite people because it hurts, now lets say sorry to xxx". They'll grow out of it soon enough and then move onto something else to make us worry!

hettienne · 18/09/2013 23:04

You can't control his behaviour while he is at nursery - but the nursery staff will be there to intervene and work with him. They don't just stand back and let the kids fight it out Lord of the Flies style!

harryhausen · 19/09/2013 09:51

I agree with everyone who's said not to panic.

If he's not doing this at home, then work with nursery, back up any suggestions they make and basically let them deal with it. Perhaps implement your own reward system at home for not biting at nursery etc?

My dd is nearly 9. She's charging ahead academically and popular socially. When she was about 4 we had some really serious biting incidents. I think it was about 4 times. She often did it to children she liked the most and wanted to get their attention. I don't think she had the language to socialise properly. I can't even remember her punishment other than reintegrating how wrong it was.
It stopped very soon after it started. No problems since.

As for speech delay. That's really common too. Trust the nursery. They'll have seen it all before and will help. I'll put money on there being nothing really wrong.

harryhausen · 19/09/2013 09:52

*reiterating how wrong it was.

Snelldog · 19/09/2013 10:37

my dc did this and so did a lot of other children in the nursery class at this age. I think all you can do is make it absolutely clear that biting etc is not acceptable. Really feel for you having being there ....

handcream · 19/09/2013 10:50

This is really really normal. My DS did it twice and as another poster said - it went as quickly as it came. Of course now years later he doesnt even remember doing.

madeit · 19/09/2013 21:00

I sympathise with you. My child was a biter and it wasn't just a one off. It happened several times at nursery. It was very stressful and upsetting. I felt like a criminal and I was at a loss about what to do. I tried all the usual things. It's not going to be much help to you but it died a natural death. He is now almost 4 and very very occasional bites now. He is a very physical articulate kid. I find talking to my child about how frightened and sad it it for the victim to be the most effective long=term strategy.

HaroldLloyd · 19/09/2013 21:05

HI Bruthas.

My DS (2.5) started nursery ( a pre school class) on Tuesday, he bit a boy very badly and hit several others on his first day. We have had this problem intermittently with his nursery I use for work as well.

Please don't worry so much, if this is the first time he has done it. I know exactly how you feel I have signed the book of shame more times than I can recall.

DS went back today and was fine and I will keep an eye on it, I don't have any magic solutions obviously as he is still biting, but I just wanted you to know it happens.

The staff will just keep an extra eye on him, as he settles in. Keep sending him. They will have dealt with this situation before and worse.

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