Bedtime trouble at almost 3 - is this normal? What to do?

[2ndDestiny]

DS is 3 next month. Always a bad sleeper but sooo much better in recent months and generally a wonderful, energetic, loving little boy if hard work in many respects.

We have never managed to get him to go to sleep by himself despite trying various approaches since he was a baby. Since he turned 2 we've had several attempts at a gradual retreat which all got interrupted by something, e.g. arrival of baby sister 8 months ago, a trip, etc.

Then about a fortnight ago I bought him a nightlight which he loves, told him S-the-dragon would look after him and could he be a big boy and go to sleep by himself? He just suddenly did it. I went back to kiss/reassure him every 5 minutes and he was asleep by the 2nd 5 mins every night for 2 weeks. He got stickers in the morning as a reward and a magazine at the end of the week.

Then, a few days ago, he made the catastrophic discovery (which somehow he has not noticed since he moved into his big bed months ago) that he can get out of bed by himself. At first this just meant he came straight into our room in the morning instead of calling us to come and get him. No problem there. But last night he decided to experiment with getting out of bed at bed time. He kept fussing and asking me not to leave him alone, then when I had left turning his light on and getting out of bed. He always sleeps late (getting ready to drop nap and really just never needed that much sleep) but last night it took about 2 hours, a lot of arguments and a few tears to get him to sleep and in the end DH sat with him as we were at the end of our tether.

How best to handle the getting out of bed? He got very angry and tantrum-y about our efforts to return him. I tried really hard to stay calm and not get cross. But for months I've been sitting with him for ages at bedtime and juggling his bedtime with his baby sister's, going back and forth, never getting any evening. It seems one problem is just replaced with another and, well I know I'm being a bit pathetic but I start a new job very soon, trying to settle baby into nursery, now we are back to square one with bed time I just want to cry.

Anyone else had similar problems? What did or didn't work? I find it very hard to just leave him crying (even if he would stay in bed).

I had this with DD (now 16 and sleeps for England!) and in the end I found that the broken record technique worked.

It had got to ridiculous levels, I was lying on her bed until gone midnight some nights and sneaking out inch by inch. After almost a year of no evenings I realised just how stupid it was, especially as she went down like a lamb when she stayed with my mum, so I bit the bullet.

She cried, got out of bed etc and I would go back in, settle her back down and say "Its time for sleep, night night, god bless, sweet dreams" and then "love you" as I walked out. Of course, she got out again, so I went back in and repeated ad infinitum. I spent 5 days sitting at the top of the stairs (I couldnt be arsed to walk up and down but I made "walking down the stairs" noises each time!) and then she got it. Yes mummy is still there, yes mummy loves me, yes I am safe....

I was a single parent at the time which thinking back I think made it easier as it meant that there was the consistency of it always being me. Perhaps you and your OH could alternate each time he gets up? The trick is, never give in and go "Oh FFS, I am so tired, lets have him in with us" because that sets you back to square one. Sleep issues are hell on toast, but you have to play the long game ime.

Reading back on my post, consistency is the key. You both have to be on board, so if you agree to take turns and see it through then do that. IF you agree that one of you will do it and the other will stay out of the way, do that. But dont change halfway through, they need the security of knowing what will happen every time they wake, so if if it is you that takes this on, you need to accept that you will deal with every night waking for a good while! Personally I would insist on 50/50!

Try to have a calm down routine before bedtime and after you have put him to bed kiss him goodnight and leave him. If he wakes up and gets out of bed just return him to his bed quietly each time and do not say anything to him.
Of course he will cry and kick up and its not pleasant or easy for you but just persist.
He WILL get the message that he has to stay in bed and go to sleep however, each time you start talking to him or explaining or looking hesitant - it will take longer!
Its worth a few nights of agony for yourself if it resolves in the long term.