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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Tell me how you discipline (sp?) your 3.6 yr old please

18 replies

nutcracker · 23/06/2006 08:52

Ds is 3.6 and a little monster at the moment. It is my fault as I treat him like he's a baby and let him get away with everything, but he is getting a bit out of control so and hints and tips on how to deal with it would be great.

For example, what do you do if your 3 yr old keeps shouting at you ?, kicking his sister, telling you to shut up ?

At the mo I tell him to stop it, he ignores me and then walks off and I do bugger all about it

I have ocasionally tried naughty step which was a waste of time and time out in which he screamed and screamed and I gave in.

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Twiglett · 23/06/2006 08:57

um .. stop treating him like he's a baby and don't let him get away with everything

if he shouts at me .. I'd walk away .. or whisper back at him

if he kicks someone .. I'd plonk him on the stairs for 4 minutes and walk away

if he tells me to shut up I'd walk away and ignore him or stair

and I wouldn't give in if he screamed and screamed

nailpolish · 23/06/2006 08:58

the naughty step doesnt work for us either nutty

i went a step further and instead of the naughty step i put dd1 in the garden

she sits on the step arms folded pouting until she says sorry (we have french doors) through the door (usually its to dd2 as she has battered her over the head or whatever)

have you also tried taking her favourite toys away? or her favourite anything?

god its hard isnt it

good luck

nailpolish · 23/06/2006 09:00

can i add they are full length glass doors and i can see dd1 the whole time, also its an enclosed garden before you all recoil in horror

Original poster

nutcracker · 23/06/2006 09:01

How do I get him to stay on the stairs though ??

At the mo, when he shouts I tell him I won't talk to him until he speaks properly which so,etimes works sometimes not.

I'll admitt it I am a soft touch where Ds is concerned, he even says 'but i'm your baby', if i tell him off

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 23/06/2006 09:02

Can't think where else I can put him.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 23/06/2006 09:02

dunno, i couldnt get dd1 to stay on the stairs

try putting him in his room?

nailpolish · 23/06/2006 09:03

dont you have a garden?

FrannyandZooey · 23/06/2006 09:04

What I think I should do:

shouting - I would explain that we don't shout, ask him to please speak nicely, or if he wants to shout, go in the garden

kicking - would remove him from the scene of the crime and hold him if ness while we had a serious talk, with serious face on, explain kicking hurts, we don't kick, ask him to say sorry to person

telling me to shut up I would ignore initially, as I think a reaction would be more likely to make this continue. If it became a habit I would again have a serious talk, about speaking politely. When he said shut up the next time I would say "remember what we said about speaking politely?"

I think treating them with respect and giving them the chance to be reasonable is better than all this naughty step palaver.

However I often end up having a shout myself

Original poster

nutcracker · 23/06/2006 09:12

Yep we do have a garden but i'm not sure he'd see that as a punishment tbh.

Think i'll try the talking to him first and see how we go from there.

Must keep telling myself to toughen up LOL

OP posts:

threebob · 23/06/2006 09:17

If ds shouts at me I send him to his room until he can talk in a quiet voice. Telling me to shut up would be met with the same.

He doesn't have a sister to kick, but if he tries to hit me or dh - same deal, go to your room.

He runs to his room and gets halfway there before bursting into tears and saying "now I have nobody to love me" and then he comes back and says "I need to say sorry so I can come back in the room."

yawningmonster · 23/06/2006 09:20

Make a little contract with him of house rules..try to make them positive eg
Speak in a nice voice to people rather than no shouting.
Ask him what each behaviour makes people feel like so he has some concept of why they are rules.
Decide on what will be the result..
Eg: Using a nice voice might earn him some tokens which can be cashed in for othr things
So he has used a nice voice 5 times today and 5 tokens =10minutes on the computer,
He has played nicely wiht his sister 12 times this week =special toy out of selection box (matchbox cars, colouring books etc)
That sort of thing. Reintroduce the timeout but be strong and stick to it if he knows you will give in then he will keep crying. Tell him what time out is about when he is calm and when you use it stick to it. Remember to tell him the behaviours yuo want like " # you need to stop kicking your sister, If you want a turn say....., "

ChasingRabbits · 23/06/2006 09:32

ds1 used to get sent to the downstairs loo, after using excuse of needing the toilet to come out of room. couldn't harm himself on anything and noo excuse if he needed to use toilet

presumably his sister is older? if so you have disciplined her and know what to do, but just don't want yourbaby to grow up.
you know he has to - help him to do so properly.

imaginaryfriend · 23/06/2006 09:35

Maybe quit treating him like a baby and letting him get away with everything? Otherwise he'll feel like King of the Castle forever and make someone a lousy partner later in life.

I've generally always opted for the shutting off of attention with bad behaviour. If dd (nearly 4) is rude to me, which she is increasingly since about 3.6, I look at her, go all serious and deadpan and say (in robot-like voice) 'I do NOT listen to little girls who talk like that' and I walk away. It always works - within seconds she's apologising. The only trouble is within minutes she's forgotten she apologised and that mummy became a robot and does it all again ... Sigh ...

poppiesinaline · 23/06/2006 10:34

Nutcracker. Did you try 1 2 3 Magic?

wannaBe1974 · 23/06/2006 10:38

firstly, you need to stop treating him like a baby, he's not a baby, and while you treat him as such and let him get away with it you are the one to blame for his bad behavior.

Time-out can work, but it can also be overused. The stairs don't work for us because ds can see into the lounge/see the dogs etc and therefore he doesn't see it as a punishment, but going to the spare room/his bedroom/the downstairs clokeroom does work. If he shouts I just tell him that I don't listen to little boys who shout, if he was physically abusive to anyone he would go into time-out, and if he screams then I go back and say "are you going to stop screaming?" if he says no, then I leave him there for another 3 minutes. Toy confiscation works, as well as the withdrawal of certain privilages i.e. no sweets if going to shop/no stopping at park on way home from nursery/no tv/no bedtime story. But they are all punnishments you have to follow through, and never, ever give in. And if he tells you that he's your baby then say firmly that "no, you are not a baby, and stop acting like one".

wannaBe1974 · 23/06/2006 10:39

also counting to 3 works - "I'm going to count to three, and if you don't stop shouting then I'm going to take away x", it gives him the opportunity to rectify his behavior before the consequence.

cathngrace · 24/06/2006 19:20

I've got a 4 year old who will not follow instructions given by nursery nurse at nursery. He understands what he is doing wrong but then goes and does it all over again 5 mins later. After knowing him for six weeks the nursery nurse thinks he may have behaviour problems - autism!! He has only started ignoring her for the last four sessions. I'm really upset. What should I do?

I work full time and have an 11 mth old too. He's not getting the time with me he used to. It's my fault innit?

popsycal · 24/06/2006 19:45

only read openng post...
ds1 is 4 in august so a similar age
he is loud all the time and can be difficult and obstinate especially when tired.

Although I find myself getting more and more wound up, it really does help to keep your volume lower than his I find.

I read something on MN a while ago about dealing with this - I have days when I feel I have just been negative all day. If he is doing something i dont want him to do eg demanding sweets at the shop the first thing i try is the 'MN thing' - yu say something with three parts/. first bit is observe what he is doing. so 'ds1 you are shouting at me for sweets'. next say why you dont liek it 'ds1 it is rude to shout anfd it is hurting everyone's ears'. then say what you want him to do 'iyou need to ask nicely/ask me again tomorrow/come and stand beside me'
or something like that. i was AMAZED how this works with ds1.

I also try to pre-mp and distract him as much as possible. for example, he kicks off in shops alot so I only go for short visits or give him a 'spotters' list' for on the way and while we are there ....find a red car, a carrier bag, a loaf of bread,' etc etc

I also use counting down ...one warning saying what I dont like. eg ds1 you have just empptied that whle toy box. I would like to see everything picked up'. then final warning with a 5 second count down. Normally he responds REALLY well to count downs. Then it would be 'standing by the door' (version of naughty corner) for 3 mins. if he gets out of there, then it is the step for 3 minutes
he goes to his room for time out as a last resort

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