Really struggling with DS 2.5 and food

[NewChoos]

DS has always had a poor appetite and needed encouragement with food, although he eats better at nursery (attends 2 days per week).
He still drinks formula (we have tried reducing this but makes no difference to solid intake).
He has had virtually no food all weekend.
He was offered noodles, chicken, salad, pizza, chilli, rice, cheese, bread, various fruits, fish, even refused cake!
He did have a small amount of cereal, cheese scone, nuts and cookie (!)
Also have DD 9wks, so I am finding mealtimes a juggle which makes everything worse ie not always managing to sit at dinner table.

We are on the whole very chilled at mealtimes and just take the food away. He is very keen on sweet treats and crisps and I am going to remove these out of sight. He has stopped eating lots of fruit whereas he was a big fan before.
Also aware his increased milk intake could be related to DD's arrival (although he has always loved milk) and he know struggle with her being here - especially when I am bf'ing. He still wakes for milk in the night, so obviously is not getting enough calories in the day.

Any advice please - feeling quite stressed....

Hello, take heart, you are not alone.

I have always struggled with my 2.4 year old's eating since he turned 13 months or so. I even had the HV out at one point because his eating became so poor he started waking at night. The HV told me just to feed him what he wants to get him eating again. I did so within reason (he did not get to live off cake and crisps) but if he wanted toast and yogurt for dinner I gave it too him. It did get him eating again and now I make sure he always gets a snack mid morning and afternoon and I try to get him involved in cooking the meal and food shopping. He is still pretty bad and his vegetable intake is terrible (I love cooking so all his meals are cooked from scratch).

I find now he is a little older I can bargain with him ie if you eat two more fork fulls you can have a yogurt. He is not allowed any milk except first thing in the morning and after supper. I also give him multi vitamins every day to ensure he gets nutrients.

Sorry I have no more words of wisdom, I think you just have to do what you have to to get them to eat. Like sleep you cannot make them eat and until they develop an ability to reason and truely understand consequences I do not believe you can let them skip meals completely ie if you do not eat what is in front of you you go to bed hungry. If my DS refuses to eat what I give him he has toast and banana but not a yogurt or any other treat. I also keep all empty calories like cakes etc out of his diet as much as possible as every mouthful has to count when you have a picky eater.

Good luck, I hope someone can give you some advice that I can use as well xx.

I have a reluctant eater too, he's 4 now and a little bit better. I've recently read My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzales and while I wouldn't say it solved our problems it has certainly helped me feel more relaxed about it. Might be worth a read?

I notice with my DS if he has a really bad couple of days he then tends to catch up after. I also give him multivitamins. I have the opposite problem in a way, he won't drink any milk at all!

Ds1 was a little different as his eating problems resulted from silent reflux which didn't respond to meds, and he developed such bad inflammation of the oesophagus that he refused to drink milk and was in and out of hospital. This understandably left him with an eating phobia so we didn't manage to start solids until he was 15mo. When he did eventually start too eat he had issues with textures and even now (4.9yo) he mostly eats things like chicken nuggets, sausages, fish fingers and waffles, which have a dry texture. Does your ds have issues with textures? We have made little toad in the holes at home, which ds eats. Also ham pizza - we started with sausage pizza (a small pizza completely covered in sausage slices, so ds couldn't see any of the base!) and moved onto ham. He has never eaten veg but will now eat raw carrot sticks. Nursery really helped him, as they were very encouraging and his peers eating around him did make a difference. Is there anything your ds will reliably eat, even if it is just crackers with Nutella and yoghurt? Ds1 really did have that limited a diet and was also on multivitamins and iron medication, and continued with two big bottles of formula up until the age of 4yo, just to get the nutrients. He really is making progress though, and hopefully your ds is currently going through a very fussy stage rather than a food phobia. A very helpful book is Just Take A Bite, which helps distinguish between fussiness, resistant eaters and other causes of eating problems in lo's. With ds1 we tried an approach recommended by the dietician, which was initially just to tolerate a food on his plate, then to prod it with a fork, then with a finger, then pick it up, then give it a kiss, then a lick, then finally nibble it. The stepwise approach did work for some foods, although progressing through the steps took months in some cases. Lots of patience required. The paediatrican was always very reassuring however and said that kids are fine on limited diets and will still grow and develop fine. Ds1 was always a skinny thing but is now a healthy, sporty, full-of-beans nearly 5yo! All the best and try not to worry, he will eat in time.