We've hit the terrible 2s - best steps to avoid a brat

[daisydee43]

Hi there

My dd has hit the 'terrible 2s' and I'm really worried that my soft parenting approach will leave her to be a spoilt brat.
She is only child and prob will be for a while, she goes to a CM with other kids and behaves really well for grandparents.
Main problems - sitting down to eat, taking toys off her, throwing food.
Have tried the naughty step thing but she just runs to me for a hug - need to get some structure in discipline, any help welcomed

Hi. My son is in this phase at the moment and the main problem I'm having with him is hitting/scratching/kicking. This is the only thing I naughty step him for; for other misbehaviours I try to find other ways. If you are going to do naughty step, my advice is choose carefully and specifically what behaviour you are going to apply it to. Make this very clear to dd with an initial warning when she starts playing up and then follow through. If she runs to you for a hug you have to keep putting her back. Hugs/apologies when her time is completed. Hht good luck.

Would recommend One, Two, Three Magic and Playful Parenting if books are your thing. The first has a very calm (I think) way of dealing with bad behaviour which makes it very clear to DC what is coming if they continue. My 4 yo is well trained in its methods and I have found it a godsend. The latter book has helped me not to be too shouty in general and to remember that potentially confrontational situations can be dealt with with a bit of humour and that helps everyone be less brat-like in their behaviour (parents included!).

p.s. I'm at the beginnings of 1,2,3 with my second DC. I found first time round that I needed to be really quite harsh on the first few occasions (by which I mean that the second was a minute or two in his bedroom on his own). It worked well and now the sanction is a time out on the stairs but we rarely get to that point. "Do I need to count?" is often enough to stop the naughtiness. But I'm trying to do it with DC2 right now and am actually finding it a bit harder to follow through!!!

Watching with interest. My dd is only 16 months and we're already getting screaming tantrums.
Nappy changes, getting dressed, putting coat on, eating, screaming in the pram or car seat - not sure how the naughty step can work for these. I tried simply letting dd get down from the high chair and not eat, thinking she'd get hungry. It backfired, she didn't sleep and then was even more grumpy. I've resorted to letting her watch Postman Pat while she eats/in the car.

Of course she's an angel at nursery, sits and eats all her meals etc.

This may not work for every child, but my DS responds well to us just ignoring his tantrums. So, from your examples, sitting down to eat, we just pick him up, put him in the seat, if he screams about it just turn our back & he will soon see he's got no audience to play up to.

Distraction also works well. So maybe put your DC in their chair for dinner a couple of minutes before dinner is ready, then give a toy to play with until it's ready, which should calm them down.

I think it mostly blows over. Don't get too hung up on the naughty step thing - works for some children but didn't work for my ds. .. and I think it is one of those parenting fads that will blow over tbh.

Actually, I can't see much difference between a naughty step and a dunces cap - both are equally 'labelling' children - and calling the naughty step 'time out' or 'thinking time' is much more positive.

Ignoring is a good strategy. "I'm waiting for you to be sensible" is a good strategy. Distraction is an excellent strategy!

I wouldn't worry too much. Most children go through this. If you are worried about raising a brat, then you probably won't