Hysterical crying and latching onto older brother?

[waysandmeans]

I've recently started nannying for a second family (nanny share) with two children aged 4 and 8 (5 and 9 this month). Everything has been going really well, esp with older boy. I feel we have bonded well. With the youngest girl things are great most of the time, occasional whining over having to walk places rather than use car but on the whole pretty good. The only issue is if she has a minor fall/hurt - she disintegrates into hysterical crying until she is scarlet and sounds as though she's about to vomit. She also grabs her brother and will not let him go. He then becomes quite uncomfortable and will try to escape resulting in even more tears/snot/screaming. He's a great kid and will give her a cuddle etc to make her feel better but then he wants to go back to what he is doing.

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this. It's only happened twice but I'd like to be prepared better next time. Both times she's fallen from a chair or stool and had a fright but not actually been hurt. I've tried calming her, talking quietly, stroking back etc, she will stop to answer a question e.g. "did you hit your head?" "no", and then she will start again. I've tried being very firm, not shouting but raising my voice slightly e.g. "this crying is very silly and needs to stop now" with no response. Last time I had to physically remove her from her brother because he was sitting at the table and she grabbed him from behind.

The family are fantastic and I feel incredibly lucky to have found them. I've only been nannying for my other family for a few months so I don't have heaps of experience and I really do not want to let anyone down. As I said it's going great up until a small accident and then it descends into madness. The youngest has had the same nanny all her life and I worry that it may be just that if she's hurt or scared she wants someone familiar and so far I am not familiar enough. I'm assured she's not a crier - during my first week overlapping with last nanny she fell off her bike and cried for two mins max. I feel there must be something in my response that is setting her off.

Any advice from parents and/or childcarers would be hugely appreciated. This is my first post so please be gentle with me.

Aw. My children are the same age and we have a bit of relying on one another...it does sound like she's latching onto her brother in lieu of a more familiar adult.

She might feel sad at those points where she'd normally have her old nanny there...the only thing I can suggest to try to strengthen your bond with her is to be consistent and to perhaps try some new activities with her.

So...if she has anything she'd like to do which she's not done before, if you are the one to introduce her to it, it could have a bonding effect. Something a bit daring would be good....roller skating, horseriding, iceskating...

Thanks for the reply NeoMaxiZoomDweebie, I like the idea of us doing something different together! Will try and set something up for us this week! Until then I've tried to give her a wee bit of extra attention; extra praise for her homework and extra snuggles when it is just the two of us in the afternoon.

I also had a chat with her mum who said she's crying a lot more with everyone - not just me. Which is not great but also a bit of a relief! It's a really big transition time for her just now, poor thing, starting school and new nanny! Hopefully everything will settle down once we get into a proper routine.

Yes...friendship is born of shared experience...so the two of you doing things as a team will help I'm sure.

I dont tell my children crying is being silly - I tell them I can't help them if they are crying so much I cannot understand them, and that in order for me to make them feel better, I need to be able to listen to them, so they must take deep breathes etc.