Why does 2 yr old ask for something and then refuse it?

[pingulingo]

My 2yr old DS has recently started asking for something (eg drink, banana, Mr Tumble). But when I offer what he wants, DS starts shaking head and saying no. We then go round in circles with DS asking for different things but saying no and getting agitated when offered the thing he has just asked for.

Mostly I try to stick with what he asks for first and try to distract if he gets too upset. But I can't fathom what DS is thinking or doing when he acts like this. Any toddler insights?

I have no idea but we have a similar issue with 2.6yo DS. He'll howl asking for bear, and then when you give him bear he'll say he doesn't want bear and throw him across the room, then immediately howl that he wants bear again. Repeated ad infinitum.

It's infuriating. I've no idea why.

Because toddlers are mental and irrational Dylan Moran pointed out they are just like tiny drunks.

Dd's biggest tantrum was because dh gave her the biscuit she asked for. It lasted ages.

They do grow out of it. Just keep in mind it's just a phase.

Don't try to understand it, you can't and it will drive you insane trying.

Mental and irrational..... That makes total sense and has just made me laugh.

I think it's a control thing. They are starting to express themselves and realise they have free will and can order you to do stuff. To feel in control they ask you to fetch X. Even tho they don't want it. They just like asserting their 'authority'

Sure it's a normal developmental stage. Just irritating!

DS keeps asking for a banana then refusing to eat it - just wants to go put it in the bin!
Love the tiny drunks analogy!

They are learning to express their wishes and asset control. Just like tiny drunks

Assert

Heidi - maybe it is just control, hadn't thought of that. DS likes to make me give DH a hug, and then DS will push us apart before ordering us to hug again. Clearly DS thinks of us as his giant puppet toys!

Could he be testing language?
Like he's over generalising things, "tumble" to mean "something I've seen on TV"
Or testing you (or rather his place in the world) in a if I ask for x will I get it? ooh i did. what if I ask again?

I have a tiny drunk too! He does the push us together, pull us apart thing as well. He's deinately bossy & asserting his control; telling us to 'move' & where to sit. If he weren't so cute, sunny & generally well behaved, you'd think he were a little hitler!

I think they decide that Mr Tumble / bear / drink has a very specific meaning. Eg:

Mr Tumble: that episode that was on yesterday, NOT the one that is on today. Waaaah!

Bear: not the usual bear, the one you always call Bear, but the bear in a book they read last month. Or some other teddy which you don't call bear, you call Mr Ted. Waaaaah!

Drink: not the drink in the beaker on the side that they've just been drinking, but that glass of mummy's wine, or juice not milk, or quite possibly a G&T. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Two year olds are the most irrational and challenging beings on the planet, closely followed by three year olds. Out of the blue, completely random meltdowns with no actual reason...

Because they can.

Excuse, you beat me to it!

If only I knew?!!?

Have you ever read the cutted up pear story? I think it is on Classics somewhere. It made me weep with both hilarity and knowing, shared frustration!

I was thinking of he cutted up pear thread too, sadly, it is so true.

I also think of it as something to do with wanting to change a feeling (frustration/hunger /boredom, whatever) and then finding the object doesn't actually do that. I mean, it happens to me all the time and I am nearly 40...i think a cuppa will make me feel better but it doesn't because I am not really thirsty, there is something else annoying me! I have just learned to not hurl the cup across the room, though I do sometimes look at dc in admiration at ability to do this ;)

When children learn a new skill or reach a new level of understanding they play around with it, exploring its new power and learning where the new limit is.

When a two year old learns that they can have influence over new things like your behaviour, they play around, experiment, see how far they can push the new limits and have to find out that they still can't do everything they want to do.

It must be frustrating and confusing at times and, combined with tiredness, a bad mood or just simple contrariness can make for a nightmare scenario for parents.

The best thing to do is stay calm, clarify the boundaries, especially if they are new ones and don't try chopping and changing to please them. They need to learn that, if they asked for that biscuit, that is the one they will get and screaming and shouting won't bring offers of different ones.

It's horrible but it doesn't last long if you remain calm and consistent

Mental & irrational,tiny drunk - I have literally just laughed out loud, there could not be a more accurate description! I have have a tiny drunk who's not quite 21 months yet & we already get the most spectacular tantrums complete with full on running out the room, fists waving over his head shouting 'nnnnoooooo!'for giving him what he asked for. Quite the drama queen! Starting to think we've skipped the terrible two's & gone straight to stroppy teenager!

Think it's a control thing, seeing what our reaction is, cause & effect & frustration at situations. Sometimes he's got what he wants, just not exactly how he wanted it eg. We took the top off his yoghurt for him.