a cry for help, violent tantrums have returned.

[ditavonteesed]

Please be aware that i am asking for help and advice but am feeling very vulnerable and shaken right now.
dd1 is 10 in 2 weeks, she used to have violent tantrums until about a year ago, she struggles a bit at school and possibly has dsylexia and dyspraxia although neither are diagnosed. Last year we had family counclling at school and it really helped, she got glasses and also had the most amazing teacher, her self confidence grew and she stoppe having the tantrums, Iwent to the doctor for advice but he refused to help without seeing her, I didnt want to risk damaging her self confidence by saying all the bad points about her to what she would percievce to be a stranger.

At the start of the 6 weeks holiday her tantrums made a bit of a come back, and on holiday she had a couple of what i would call meltdowns where nothing in the world will calm her down and she tries everything she can to hurt you both physically and mentally.

Over the last 2 weeks she has had 2 of these tantrums, onne for dh when he was on his own, I cam ee home from work and he looked shell shocked, she had apparently been hitting and kicking him, these go on for a good hour or 2. She has had another this morning and has been throwing her bags at me and hitting and screaming at me all the way to school. This mornings started becasue I asked her to hurry up and she started shouting that she hates me, I told her we wouldnt be going to the chocolate shop tonight which was probably not the right thing to do but I wnat her to ealise that she can hurt people with her words. I am quite strict and we do have boundaries, this however has never made any diifference to her tantrums, I have never ever given in to a tantrum and she has never got what she wanted from behaving this way, if she discusses things with me in a reasoned way then I may change my mind about things.

I dont know how to deal with these tantrums, I have tried every way possible and nothing helps. She has sensory things to help her, a squashy ball and a dark den, an ipod so she can listen to music, a guitar so she can calm herself by playing music etc, all things which she says help her, however in the middle of a tantrum she will not try to clm herself and just clings and trys her hardest to get you to lose your temper.

I am considering going back to the doctor, I have tried talking about things that might be bothering her. I am sat here shaking and feeling sick and wish I could go and get her from school, I dont understand what is bothering my little girl so much that she behaves this way and I dont know how to fix it.

good that she felt she could open up and tell you. you're doing a good job :-)

hope the meeting with the senco goes well and you can get some help sorted out for her.

Ironically my ds came out of school angry last night. Told me he has no friends and is being bullied. Everytime he goes near someone they shrink away saying he's gross. Am also going in to see his teacher on Monday. Called his dad who said ds is maybe being gross and needs to stop. Helpful not! Hope your school sorts it quickly. I was in floods of tears last night.

Hi. I am a senco in a primary school and if a child was feeling this way u would be grateful the parent let me know. Not just so that I could hopefully. Signpost some support, but also to be on the lookout that the child was ok at school, on the playground etc. my first port of call would be to ask the the child to 'help' me in my nurture group on the times we were looking at 'anger shrinkers' , and talk to you about play therapy or something like that? Depending on where you live they can come into school or the home , usually privately paid for but depending on circumstances the ones here are very understandable .

Try not to blame yourself, my dd2 has massive melt downs, usually only for me, but at school this week too, she just goes from 0 to out of control in 3 seconds. It is awful, the effect they have on me can last all day whilst she seems ok afterwards. It is difficult when people don't believe you and think you are talking about 'normal strops' but keep going, def go to gp if you can, or see if your local children's centre do drop ins with educational or behavioural psychologists, ( depending if you think it is learning related or not).