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I don't want to be horrible but.....

9 replies

SarahAJ · 13/09/2013 09:24

My very good friends DS turned four in August and started Reception last week.

He is a sweet, energetic little soul and she loves him dearly but I am concerned that she is refusing to acknowledge speech and behaviour issues that could make his education suffer.

He has a zero concentration span and she has already been called in to a parents meeting about him being disruptive in class.

His speech is incredibly difficult to understand. Its as though his tongue is too large for his mouth. Its upsetting seeing him getting so frustrated because he cannot be understood by everyone. The nursery he attended before starting school highlighted his speech issue but she chose not to take up speech therapy (which I know can be incredibly effective at this early age).

I really don't want to upset her, but I do feel that she needs to acknowledge his issues and get the appropriate help before the problems get worse. And if anyone is planning on saying "its none of your business" thank you, but I am already aware of this. I just want advice on what I could say if anything to her. More constructive answers would be massively appreciated.

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Babieseverywhere · 13/09/2013 09:36

Honestly, there is nothing you can say to her and still remain friends.

She will be aware about her son's issues at some level even if she doesn't want to talk to you about it or is pushing her head into the sand atm.

The school are the professionals and will deal with it properly.

If she brings up the subject feel free to say what you want but if she doesn't keep your nose out.

BTW I know a mother in the same situation as your friend and the school did sort things out for that little boy. Hopefully your friend will get the help they need too.

SarahAJ · 13/09/2013 09:38

Thank you babieseverywhere.x

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Goldmandra · 13/09/2013 11:55

It's hard but you probably won't make a difference. Hopefully she understands that by refusing therapy she may be negatively affecting his long term outcomes. If the school hasn't explained this she probably wouldn't listen to you saying it anyway.

If his issues get more problematic for the school they will put more pressure on her at accept support for him.

It may not be your responsibility to change things for this little boy but it is hard to sit back and see a child whose difficulties could be reduced with support his parents are refusing.

SLVC · 13/09/2013 11:58

If he has only just started school, I would wait to see what the school suggest/offer first as she might not be able to ignore it or refuse help this time? If she does disagree with the school, she might mention this to you and then you have an opportunity to give your opinion - as tactfully as you can!

DeWe · 13/09/2013 12:34

I would leave it to school.

The only thing you could say is if she brings up that school wants intervention and she is refusing it, is I'd say that intervention especially SALT is really hard to get on the list for, and isn't she lucky that they're offering it as lots of people have to really push for it.

A lot of 4yo (esp boys and esp summer borns) have zero concentration at that age too.

NaturalBaby · 13/09/2013 12:40

He's in school now so I would let the teacher deal with it and support your friend as she is obviously having difficulty acknowledging what is going on.

SarahAJ · 13/09/2013 12:42

Thank you. I do have a DD myself that has just started reception but she is October born so I would never compare them. My DS is about to turn 3 and I can see what you mean about boys having lesser concentration. I really hope that his age is the reason for these issues. Fingers crossed!!

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sophj100 · 13/09/2013 12:56

I agree, there is little you can do if she is not keen to acknowledge the problems, but she is already lucky to have a friend like you wathcing out for her.

Now her child is in a school environment, the teachers will definitely be aware of any problems and will probably liaise with the SENCo (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator), in deciding whether the child needs assessment for any behavioural issues. It may be something very simple or more complicated but at some point, your friend will probably have to face all this and that is when she will need you most, so your time will come!

Wish I had a friend who was so keen to get involved - lucky girl! Grin

SarahAJ · 13/09/2013 13:35

Thank you sophj100. Thats very kind of you to say so.
I will always be there if she needs me.

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