need a bit of advice and hand holding. my nearly seven year old says he wants to kill himself

[Wolfcub]

my gut instinct says he isn't serious and that he is saying it as a reaction to not getting what he wants or because he is upset at something/feels he is in trouble about something but it's very upsetting to hear and I want to be sure I'm dealing with it in the right way. this evening I am in bits because he has said he wants to kill himself, wants to die, wants to get a gun and kill himself and that I want him dead and want him to kill himself.

I have tried to stay very calm and rational with him but it has been hard. I have explained that these are very serious things to say.

I have explained what being dying means and that it would mean never growing older, never learning to drive a car, never being an archaeologist etc. He seemed a bit surprised by this. I asked if that was what he wanted and of that was how he felt.

I also explained that of he wanted we would take him to a special Dr Who he could talk to about how he felt and who could make him feel better.

when he'd calmed down a bit I explained again that these were very serious things to say and that I was very concerned about what he was saying. I asked what had caused him to say these things. he made some excuses which were not credible in fact and I explained why they weren't.
he then said that he was being treated badly by a few people at school. I asked who they were and he named one individual. I asked who the others were and he couldn't give names or explain what they had done. he explained what the boy had done to him. I asked if he had told teachers and he said he had done. I asked what they had done and he explained that they had applied the highest sanction they have. I asked if he was happy with that and if he thought the teachers had dealt with it appropriately. He said he was happy and they had done the right thing.

he also explained that he had been in trouble at school because he had been silly and had been given the lowest sanction. he asked if I was cross and I said I wasn't because he'd told me.

since then he has watched telly eaten dinner and been perfectly normal. But it's not the first time he's said things like this in similar circumstances and it's awful to hear.

so what would you do now if you were me?

bump

I'd take him to the GP and ask for a referral to CAMHs (child and adolescent mental health team) for an assessment. I'd also arrange a meeting with his teacher and the school head, be completely honest about what he's said and your concerns, so that they can support your request by writing a letter to go alongside the GP's referral.
Keep showing ds plenty of love and support and keep talking to him so that he knows he can share his experiences with you.
All the best and Look after yourself too

The fact your DS seemed quite surprised when it was explained to him what dying means is a positive sign. It may be that he's looking for attention off you and is looking for a shock factor rather than him thinking deeply about the subject?
Agree that he should be assessed though, just to be on the safe side.

I didn't want to read and run, this must be very hard for you. I don't have experience with children saying things like this, but I think by talking calmly to him and allowing him to talk about it you have done exactly the right thing. Because he then knows he can come to you and be open. I think you should speak to the school about it tomorrow to see how they are finding him, and about what he has said about this other child. I know if it was an adult who was saying these things I'd be telling them to go to their gp. Are the school good? See what they think about it would be my advice.

Hopefully someone will be along who has experience of this. XX

Do go to your GP and ask for a CAMHS referral. They will probably arrange to see you quickly, and will assess how much danger there is of him trying to harm himself, and why he says such things. Then they should offer you help to deal with it, give you contact numbers. You can request to speak to them alone either before or after they have spoken to your son, if there are things you don't want to say in front of him.

Do also talk to the school.

That must be really worrying for you! My first thought is, he’s only seven, so maybe he's expressing things in such an extreme way because he really doesn’t know how to name his feelings properly ? Could you try rephrasing what he is saying in a more realistic way “You feel sad because you’ve been in trouble in school” “You feel angry because this boy was nasty to you” “You feel worried because you thought I might be angry” And so on?

he's since told his dad that the incident with the other boy didn't happen . I'm going to ring school tomorrow and ask because a red card incident involves a letter home to the perpetrators parents so it will have a record somewhere if it happened

I would guess this is shock factor than seriousness simply as I cannot believe he understands death greatly. Certainly not suicide. Most adults struggle.

That said you cannot take a chance. Talk to GP. Talk to school. Remove obvious methods/ mitigate house. In my limited experience kids see death as immediate end to an issue but fail to see the consequence of not actually being here for the next day. Kids see things in NOW vision. Not adult way of future hopes/dreams etc. my fear would be accidental misadventure not suicide if you see what I mean.

There are those on here who have tackled such sadly. It's harrowing. I have no idea of your faith, but offer you my prayers and thoughts. I'm so sorry.

Are you all ok op? Hoping so x